Is That a Turkey in Your Backyard?

I have a couple of rental properties. Over the years I’ve gotten some strange calls about my tenants, especially about their animals. But today was the weirdest one I’ve had in 7 years.

“Did you know XXX has a Turkey in his backyard?”

Huhhh???  A Turkey?

Now, this house is in a normal neighborhood. Not some country property. The typical animal is a pit bull or outdoor cat if you get my drift. But definitely not a large butt turkey in a cage.

Oh, and did I mention the rooster?

Oh my….I can’t wait to talk to him tomorrow on this one….  LOL

Gobble Gobble…..

Follow Up: I sent him a text just saying “Turkey??” He replied, “Yep, Turkey, 2 Ducks and 4 chickens”.  One day I’ll have to write a story on this man as he has provided me many laughs the past 5 years.

Shaking my head………LOL

~~till we laugh again~~~

Dear Future Tenants

So, those that know me know I have a few rental houses. Trust me, don’t feel happy for me, what seemed like a good idea years ago isn’t so much today.

But this blog post isn’t about whether I should or shouldn’t have or the current market conditions. No I’m not going to whine about the loss of equity. (not this time anyways) LOL

Here is my beef at the moment.

Last time I checked at no point did we discuss that when you (tenant) moved out, you could destroy my house!

I’d like to say this is rare, but alas it happens the vast majority of the time.

I like to think of myself as a landlord that works with my tenants. Especially when times get tough. Probably too much so at times. So it hurts that much more when in the end, tenants that were great for 11 months all of a sudden morph into sleeze balls.

So, maybe I need to modify my rental agreement to include the following true items that tend to occur more than I care for:

  • Tenant will not leave all their furniture behind when they move out. It is not my responsibility to get rid of your couch, your nasty ass beds, all your kids toys and your TV you broke 5 years ago. Not to mention your coffee table, shelves and whatever other junk you didn’t want to take with you.
  • Tenant will not attempt to fix plumbing on their own and use plastic to cover the big hole in the wall they made so that mold can grow and cause $2000 in additional damage to the drywall and cabinets.
  • Tenant will not let their dog shit all over the house and leave it there.  (this really happened, I thought we were going to die getting in the house – he was mad that he was being evicted for not paying rent – how mean of me)
  • Tenant cannot leave all their food in a fridge that the power is off too. That stuff gets smelly real quick. Especially the 3 month old fish you had in the freezer. Not to mention all the milk you split in the fridge and never wiped up.
  • IF you must cook on the stove – try cleaning it at least once in the year you live there. And do you really need all that grease in your food?? Well, most went in the food, the rest just got all over the stove, the walls and the cabinets.
  • While you are at it, I’m pretty sure the ceiling fans didn’t have 2 inches of dust on them when you moved in. How are earth have you been breathing all this time?
  • Tenants, please plan on replacing the 2-4 doors you will punch or kick holes in. You do know they aren’t punching bags? IF this is how you treat my doors and walls I sure the hell hope you aren’t hitting your kids or wife like this
  • Speaking of which, please don’t body slam your friends in the walls to see how big of a hole it would make. Not funny, not at all
  • Treat the carpet like you owned the place. You would KILL your kid if he or she spilled Red Kool Aid all over the new carpet if you had paid for it
  • Tenants, please hide all the crayons, markers, pens, etc from your kids. The white walls are not giant canvases for your kids to use. I really do not care how artistic Johnny and Suzie are. I do not need to have the walls covered in their art from the floor to 3 feet up.
  • Finally, if you can do those things plus pay your rent, we both will be happy. Oh hell, who am I kidding, your brats will still destroy my house in the end. You will let them and just think it is cute or you have just giving up disciplining them. But that is for a whole other blog someday.


Remind me again why I thought owning rental houses were a great idea????

Till we rant again….

PS. Ok, let me say this now:

A) Many of my tenants are wonderful. Love them. Great people.

B) I love kids. Even like many of them. Its not their fault their parents let them do anything they want.

C) I’m not being mean. I’m being sarcastic. Or did you miss the title of my blog????


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