Damn GPS!

I ventured out of my little town today. Thanks to my GPS it was more eventful than it was supposed to be.

Ok, I know what you are thinking. That you are about to read some long drawn out story about how I was lost for hours thanks to the GPS. Well, hate to disappoint you. It was only 15 minutes.

But still, I was ticked that A) the silly thing didn’t recognize the frontage road (thinking it was the freeway) and B), it thought I needed to go 5 miles down to flip around when 1 mile would have done the trick.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that my Smartphone has a built-in GPS. I think this is one of the best inventions in years. It is awesome when it works well.

But today… I wanted to smash that woman’s face. You know, the one that tells you “Right turn, in .5 miles”.   Point 5 miles my ass.

Besides, what fool puts their business in the middle of no where and on a frontage road you have to turn into a hotel parking lot and then cross over to their building? What fool, puts their business on a road that if you miss the turn in, you have to go down a mile to attempt pass 2?  I’ll tell ya what fool…The one I had to visit today.  Thank god it was my first and only time.

I still love my damn GPS, but we just aren’t on speaking terms for a few days.

`

I’m still pissed at the bitch…

`

`

~~~till we laugh again~~~

What is with These Women!

First off, the Not Normal and Proud of It! Club is coming along great. A few new members and even a few new ideas. (like a rock climbing wall).

But for now, I must rant for a moment. It drives me up a freaking wall (and not this new rock climbing wall either).

I might get a little graphic for the moment, but it is necessary in my mind. This is how it sounds in my head.

Why is it when I go in a public restroom,

women are pissing all over the toilet seat?  Seriously!

I expect dudes to do this, but women? 

If you are going to squat, at least hit the big hole!  And if you do miss? Guess what, toilet paper will wipe that dang seat!

Do not leave it for the next person to find and deal with.

I have gone in our local casino that has 10 stalls and literally walked all 10 to find this very picture.

I was at restaurant the other night and all 3 stalls had this. Give me a break!

People can be so rude and disgusting.

There are only 4 things that tick me off. Otherwise I’m pretty easy-going.

A) Lying to me

B) Disrespecting me (especially when I haven’t disrespected you)

C) Guys with pants down and their asses hanging out (see B – above)

D) Women PEEING ON THE SEAT!    

~~~~~

Ok, I feel better now.

And if you are one of these people (which I doubt you will admit) (just kidding, my readers would never do this… I think..lol)

Please, please wipe up your yellow stream, I want nothing to do with it. Hell, I’ll even flush for you, but don’t make me wipe your bodily fluids up for you!

 

How do you feel about this? Does this drive you batty as well?

I now return you to our normal fun loving me….  😀

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

Nooooooooo! Not Her Toooooo!!!

First, I’m not taking about my laptop. That is still waiting for its surgery which was postponed until tomorrow.

I’m talking about something just as devastating. (ok, not really, but it still stings)

Now, before you keep reading, I suppose I’m suppose to be nice and tell you SPOILER ALERT…..

Oh, I guess you need to know what I’m spoiling don’t you?

No silly, not the milk….  Geeshh, some of you…. I’m telling you….  😉

No, my spoiler alert is for DWTS…. or Dancing With the Stars for you rookies.

First I lost my Skyler on American Idol and now this…. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Not my Maria!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I love her.   sniffle sniffle…..

She not only dances great, but I love her personality. And that laugh, too funny.

But it’s my fault. I know it is. Yep, I’m a non-voter. I’m so sorry Maria Menounos. I failed you.

At least Kim won Survivor, so I’m at least 1 out of 3 for the ones I feel really should win. Oh wait, Amazing Race the right couple won. As for the Voice, yea, I was bummed Juliet didn’t win. Hmm, maybe I’m having a worse week than I thought. If Arseno wins next week’s Apprentice I may just have to give up on Reality shows. The more I think about it, the wrong person won Biggest Loser too (Dang Jeremy).

Maybe it’s not me. Maybe the Reality world is upside down.

Ok, I’m tired and Reality Show rambling…. so I best end this torture for you all.

I’m off to ball myself up in the corner and suck my thumb.

 

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

Pull Up Your Freaking Pants!

I’m the type of person that lets most things roll off their back. I’m like a duck. Whatever. People want to dress like fools walking in Walmart then so be it. Without them I wouldn’t get one of my favorite spam emails.

But one thing i find very disrespectful is this whole concept that your pants must be under your ass or hanging on your crotch.

Saggy AssThey are pants for a reason. To cover your ass, your crotch and legs. If you want your ass hanging out then just wear some leg warmers.

What is the point? If you have to walk around holding up your pants it seems like a pain in the butt to me. And if someone starts chasing you, its not like you can out run them without tripping.

I came across this picture and it does explain what might be going on under those long white t-shirts that I originally thought were just because these guys had really long torsos.

Now it makes sense, they are two little people giving piggy back rides!

Public outcry is happening all over the states. Public  places are now letting it known they will not service those with their pants down. I so am tempted to put this sign up at my store.

pull up your pants

But I know just the person for us to call up and see if he would be the spokesperson for pulling up your pants. 

Jaleel WhiteThen again, maybe it was this image that caused the whole sagging thing to start….hmmm

———–

I Bring You Mr Pants Down   <<<~~~ check out this rant I did last year (don’t worry, it’s short)    😀

~~~~~~~~ Till we laugh again~~~~~~~

The Voice ~~ Is it Me or are these Singers BORING?

As I’ve stated in the past. I love Prime Time Reality TV. I love rooting for the undiscovered being discovered. I think shows like American Idol, The Voice, Last Comic Standing, America’s Got Talent, etc are great for giving some folks their shot at stardom. We have learned from the past that just because someone is kicked off early, if they have “it” they can still do well. (Jennifer Hudson, Daughtry, Clay Aiken, etc). Lately some of the winners are forgotten as the credits roll and the confetti falls.

And since I don’t vote, I can’t blame America for getting it wrong.

Currently we have American Idol and Voice going at the same time. Sure the old girl (Idol) is getting up there, but I can honestly say, the people who made the top 10 can all sing and for the most part, might have a bad week, but don’t bore me week after week. I wish I could say the same for the Voice singers. I have been watching all season and honestly can’t pick one out of a crowd by name. They just don’t “grab” me. They aren’t making me ticked that they are in the bottom or even kicked off. Sure I like a couple of them (that rocker chick is pretty good – but once again, I don’t know her name yet.

Maybe I’m in the minority. Maybe you don’t think they are as boring as I do. Trust me, I want them to do well. I really do. I want to root for someone but not just because they have some sob story behind them. I don’t mean to be mean but just because you grew up poor, dad died, the car got a flat tire, and the kid next store stole your toys as a kid, doesn’t mean you sing well. (Although, you are perfect for singing many country songs).

And worse, some of them sing well but are still BORING! How do you pull that off? I’ll tell ya, lack of personality. For example, the country girl isn’t the best singer, but at least she has personality and I want to root for her. She makes it fun. Same with the rocker chick.

Ok, I’m done ranting. Sorry, I was watching what I missed the other night and realized we are one more week in and I still am bored. Sniffle sniffle.

At least Biggest Loser is on tonight and I can’t wait to see them walk out! Now that will be exciting.

PS. Hope you liked your bonus post today  😀

 

 

~~till we laugh again~~

 

 

I Am NOT an Eskimo – no offense to Eskimos

For years I have said – “I am NOT an Eskimo”. I HATE being cold! Period. There is a reason I live in Arizona. I like being perfect or warm. Not cold.

Now, first off, I have nothing against Eskimos. I think Alaska is a beautiful state. With some awesome people. I even spent a couple of days in Anchorage. (What’s with the big giant polar bears in the hotel lobby by the way?) (them suckers are huge)

I grew up in Southern California where for the most part, the weather doesn’t swing to the extremes that often. Sure there are cold days or warm days, but most of the time it hangs out in the 70s or 80s. Worse case the 60s. But no where near freezing.

In my late 20s I moved to Utah. Now, when you transplant a So Cal girl to Salt Lake City, the welcome wagon should deliver a warm jacket to your new home. We don’t own jackets in So Cal. Maybe a windbreaker, but definitely not a warm down jacket. And as much as I hate being cold, I hated wearing my jacket more. I felt so trapped. Besides, guess what? It’s only cold outside, buildings were kept warm. Ever try and figure out what to do with a big old hunking jacket when you are inside? What a pain in the keester.

My five years in Utah, did not change my stance. I still was not an Eskimo. Nor would I ever be getting an honorary certificate.

Here is Arizona, it is H O T most months (Don’t start on the “dry heat” as I’m sure we will post on that later this summer)

But it can also get cold. Some parts more than others. But I only worry about the parts I physically reside. And the other night it dropped down to 30 degrees over night. And guess what? I was C O L D. Once again, whining about not being an Eskimo.

Ask a person what they hate more being HOT or being COLD most will say being hot. I say no, being cold. They will argue that at least you can put on more clothes. Hmmm

Ok, look, all the clothes in the world does not make my nose warm. Period. All those clothes only make me look and feel like a mummy with a cold nose.

Walking around with my hand cupped over my nose is not pretty. And don’t tell me to wear a scarf. I like to breath. Bad enough I pull my shirt up over my nose thus sucking in carbon dioxide and increasing my changes of asphyxiation.

Just so you know, I have no desire to travel back east, up north or any where below 30 degrees. So only invite me during your warm season.

Speaking of traveling, one of the coldest days in my life was in San Fransisco. Some friends and I went to Alcatraz. Now let me tell you, that wind was blowing like crazy and it was freaking cold! No wonder people didn’t escape from that place. They were frozen statues. I’m surprised that part of the tour didn’t include igloos vs cell blocks.And of course we didn’t have the proper jackets on. I’m thinking the ticket salesmen on the wharf really should have handed them out. Or at least some of those pocket warmer pack thingies.

Ok, I’m done ranting. You are probably wondering what got me going on this. Simple. My toes are cold. ~~~~   And don’t tell me to put on socks.

PS… If you live in one of those freezing cold places… Sorry to be you.  I’m pretty sure you will be laughing at me in 5 months when it’s 115 degrees here.   😀

~~~till we laugh again~~~

Related articles

OMG – How Cruel Was This?

Ok, so if you have been reading my blog, you know I decided to make a few changes with the new year. Riding the Orange bike, attempting to use a stair stepper and the hardest of all… Cold turkey stop of my Coca Cola addiction. Yes, I say addiction. For the past few years I have drank so much coke that I’m surprised my insides are still there. Have you seen this stuff work on battery acid?

I probably drank anywhere between 24 – 55 oz a day. (Collective Gasp heard around the world). I know. Bad Tammy. But hey, that was sooooo 2011.

Today is officially Day 27 of this new Coke free me. They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Well, it’s been more than 21 days and I still miss my baby. Not like I did, but it is just like my baby is off away at college. I don’t want it move back, but I do miss it.

And just like a child away at college, I do have a room dedicated to it. Calm down, I’m not like that crazy cat woman (sorry Kitty Bloger – who I LOVE by the way). I just happen to have a game room full of coke memorabilia. So each day I come home to a room full of puzzles, toys, collectibles and old coke bottles (some with old coke) still in them.

But this morning a true crime was committed. Yes, it may have started out innocently as a token of love but instead was an act of cruelty.

This morning I open my fridge and what do I see? Yep the picture above. A nice, fresh, bottle of my drug of choice. Staring me, taunting me, right in the face.

What is a girl to do? Slam the fridge real quick and run? Pretend it isn’t there? Drool begins to form in the corners of my mouth and thoughts of that sugar water race through my head. Maybe it is a sign? Maybe I’m suppose to go back to my lovely addiction. Maybe I’m suppose to rot my body from the inside out.

Afterall, it was bought with love (Although the perpetrator claims they “forgot” – likely story)   😀

But being the good girl I’m trying to be, I grabbed my keys and quickly ran out the door. I was not going to cave. Not today anyways. I would be strong and triumphant. I got to work, hopped on the Orange bike and road like a mad woman for 15 minutes. (Hey, it’s only been 27 days, go easy on me).

I will be strong for now. I will not be tempted. But I definitely will call home and remind the perpetrator that they need to drink it by 8pm. Get rid of the evidence and I’ll pretend I’m Pam waking up to find Bobby in the shower.  (Old Dallas reference for you over 40s). And it never happened.

Well, my rant is over. I shall survive. But it will be a long day of memories. Remembering the good ole days. A nice 32 oz coke to sip on all day. So as I drink my water and ice tea, I’ll pretend it was still 2011.

So as you fight your resolutions, just know those that love you don’t mean to be cruel. They just are.

ROFL  (sorry, busting up laughing now)

 

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

Related

Don’t Laugh at the Girl on the Orange Bike

Don’t Laugh at the Girl on the Orange Bike Part 2

Why Do You Try My Patience?

Do you ever wonder if you have a big neon sign over your head saying “Try My Patience”?

I’m a pretty easy going individual and try not to let such a silly emotion like Anger rule my world. It’s such a useless emotion that solves nothing. But just because I choose to let most things roll off my back like a duck, doesn’t mean it is a sign of weakness like some people tend to take it for. It just means I refuse to cave into letting you piss me off.   😀

You see, anger is about letting you have power over me and no one has power over me. I have a saying…

     NEVER GIVE SOMEONE ELSE POWER OVER YOU, IT IS YOUR SUPERPOWER AND NOT THEIRS!

 

Now, what does this rant have to do with humor?  Easily, watching you think you can tick me off is hilarious! Besides, this is a sarcasm site, not just a drop on the floor with a belly ache ha ha site.

Now, I had a point to this rambling when I started, what the heck was it….. (Que the Jeopardy theme song…)

Oh yea, I remember now.  That neon sign over my head – Try My Patience.

Today has been a day when people are pushing my buttons. But anger I refuse to give in to! Now, if you say, give into my frustration? Sign me up. I get frustrated a lot. I don’t yell though. I rub my eyes, scratch my head and just go “Why???” In my head I go “What the heck are you thinking!!!”

Now I could go on and on on about this, but I’m not. I just wanted to vent so I didn’t do pretend physical harm to someone. You know the pretend stuff where you are in a cartoon and like Wile E Coyote you can drop them off a cliff and they don’t die or get hurt. Maybe smash their head into the foam fake wall. Or maybe even hit the secret trap door that sends them into the depths of the earth. Well, you get the point.

I feel better now. Thank you my wordpress/facebook/twitter readers. All is good in my world again.

At least until I come into contact with another human being.

~~~~till we laugh again~~~~

I Bring You Mr Pants Down

I bring you – Mr. Pants Down. No, I don’t mean the kids (and sometimes adults) who think it they are all that and a bag of chips (Don’t forget the Coke – as Karla would tell me).

Why on earth would they feel the need to show the world they are intellectually challenged on how to do the simple task of pulling up their pants?

Maybe, their parents forgot to teach them where their waist was…

“Jimmy, where is your nose? Where is your knee? Where is your belly button?…”   You get the point.

It might be different if they had some boxers that had some important message. I can see it now written across one of their behinds…  “If I pull these up I will explode and kill dozens of people! I don’t do this for selfish reasons!  I do this to protect America!”

Now I have learned a few things due to this phenomenon

  • How to spell the word phenomenon (there is no i in case you were wondering)
  • Plaid is the most common boxer short for the pants up challenged
  • Silk boxers just make your pants slide off – it’s not their fault (Skinny dudes are screwed cuz no belt in the world helps – at least that is what they tell me)
  • Some do it just cuz everyone else is doing it and heaven forbid their think for themselves
  • Some guys still stitch their name on their underwear but there are a lot of Calvin Klein’s in the world tho (bad reference to Back to the Future)
  • And finally, some do it for the original reason, they think they are still in jail and trying to find a new bunk mate

But whatever the reason, it drives me FREAKING INSANE! Yes, I hate to admit it. It is one of the only things that drive me up the wall. Can you say the word – unrespectful? (no i by the way)

But I think I have found the solution. But I will need help from all the ladies. So ladies, Pssst, here is the plan….

Granny Panties! Yep, Let’s drop our pants down or hike up those skirts in and show them Granny Panties! Lots flowers, or maybe big hearts, the guys like boxers with hearts so why not. But either way, I know the dudes will love us ladies even more. Hell if they think they are sexy showing us theirs, just wait till we show them ours.

So like Mr Pants Down above, let’s get everyone dropping them. Hell, why do we bother wearing them? Seems like we should just get these guys to wear buttless chaps and accomplish the same thing. But maybe it’s just me…

 

~~~~~~~~ Till we laugh again~~~~~~~

Committing to 365 Days of Laughing – Will You Join Me?

As 2011 comes to a close, I’ve begun thinking about what my 2012 New Year’s Resolution will be.

I don’t drink or smoke so giving those up would make me an instant winner in the “did she keep her resolution” game. Gold star for me already! I rock!

I could always do the old standby of losing weight. But let’s face it – in a few weeks in I’d want a Coke & a scoop of ice cream. Who am I kidding; I’ll cave to both of those in less than 24 hours.

I could be determined to be less of a procrastinator – but I’d just put it off.

Then I thought, hey, I could be less sarcastic to those I love – but then I realized that was like asking me not to breathe. Besides, my family and friends hardly hear from me now, if I stopped being sarcastic with them, they’d never hear from me.

So I have decided to share with you my wonderful readers the one thing that keeps me going each and every day. Laughter. You see, I have committed to laughing every day no matter what. So my New Year’s Resolution will be sharing one thing each day of the year that made me laugh or I found funny.

I’d love it, if after you read my daily laugh, you would maybe leave a post or comment on one thing that made you laugh or smile that day. Let’s dedicate 2012 to making each other smile a little more in this fucked up world.   🙂

(Yeah, that whole giving up swearing resolution obviously wasn’t going to work either)

So hear is to more laughter in all our lives in 2012~

Drats, I just realized next year is leap year, now I’ll have to stretch my self to come up with 366!  LOL……..

 

~~~ Till We Laugh Again~~~  PS. Don’t forget to follow on Facebook for even more smiles and laughs!   Fan Page: Laughing At Everyday Life

 

Why Are People So Rude Sometimes?

Last time I promised my next blog would be about common courtesy and I must live up to my promise. Why you may ask? Yep, you guessed it – out of common courtesy.

See, here is my issue, how can we as a society be lacking at times some of the most basic of niceties? I’m not talking Miss Manners here. I’m just talking about the good old fashion stuff our parents were supposed to teach us. Here are two areas that stand out to me and maybe they do to you as well.

**Holding the door as the next person starts to enter or exit.

o   We’ve all been there. About to walk into our neighborhood QT for a slushie. There are tons of people going in and out and yet someone ahead of you just lets the door slam into you and next thing you know, you are wearing your blue slushie all over you cuz that split second that would have killed them to hold the door open for you.

o   Oh and by the way, to some of you that I hold the door for – YOU’RE WELCOME.   I know it was just an oversight that you didn’t thank me.

**Cell Phones

o   I love my cell phone as much as the next person. I don’t let it out of my sight. But even I have some limits. How on earth did we live just 10 years ago without these tethers to everyone we know? (and some we don’t)

o   When I’m helping you Mr. or Mrs. Customer, please don’t answer your phone in the middle of our transaction and then walk away. Especially when others are waiting their turn.

o   By the way, it is also rude to walk up to the counter to order while you are still talking on your phone, I shouldn’t have to beg for your attention to take your order. Just wait outside until you are done.

o   When sitting in the lobby eating, please don’t start watching YouTube or your videos with the sound on high. If everyone can’t watch, they sure the hell don’t want to hear it.

o   When having dinner or lunch with others – this isn’t the time to pick up your crackberry and check your email or start playing a game while I’m talking to you.

o   Oh, and when you do answer the loud, obnoxious ringer in the restaurant, do you really have to yell so loud when talking to the other person? It’s a phone, not a tin can on a string.

Ok, I feel better. Maybe we each can do our part to not be one of these folks that drive us nuts.  🙂

 

Till we rant again………..