59 Comeback Woman Can Use on Bad Pickup Lines

Have you ever had a guy slither up to you with a twinkle in his eye and a bad pickup line rolling off his lips? Did you wish you had a great comeback? Well next time you will be ready with these great responses I found while roaming the internet for you.

Here are 59 Comebacks for those Bad Pickup Lines

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!
No, they’re prison pants. And it’s time for me to make my escape.

Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy!
No, I’m Finnish. Finnish with this conversation!

Feel my shirt. That’s boyfriend material.
It looks a little too clingy and hard to maintain.

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.
I don’t. But I know karate and I could rip your lungs out.

There’s something wrong with my eyes. I can’t take them off you.
I’m having a problem with mine, too. I can’t see you getting anywhere with me.

What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
I was gonna ask you the same thing!

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?
Go ahead. I need to practice hitting a moving target.

Why don’t we get drunk and make some bad decisions?
You look like you already are, and you just did.

Didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.
I’m thinking it was history. Which is what you should be right now.

Are you a magician? Because abraca-dayum, girl!
Yeah. Now watch me disappear.

Is your last name Campbell?
Because you’re Mmm Mmm good!

Your nickname must be Dirt Devil, because tonight you’ll be alone with the power of an upright in the palm of your hand.

Do you have a map? I’m getting lost in your eyes.
Sorry, no map. So why don’t you just get lost?

Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see!
Are you from Istanbul? Because you sound like a real turkey.

I just Googled “sexy” and a picture of you came up.
You’ll get the same result if you search for “not interested.”

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
If I said I wanted to check out your ass, would you turn around and walk away?

Man: Is this seat taken?
Woman: No, and mine will not be anymore if you sit down.

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

Man: I will do whatever it takes to please you.
Woman: Ok, please me by getting out of my sight.

Man: I would go till the end of the world just for you.
Woman: Really? Ok. Would you stay there?

That’s a cute dress. It would look even better on my bedroom floor.
And it would look fabulous jammed into your windpipe.

Here I am! What were your other two wishes?
That he be charming and handsome. I guess not all wishes come true.

All those curves and me with no brakes.
So cheesy, and me with no pizza.

Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.
No, but you must be a jury notice, because I’m trying to avoid you.

I feel like a library card, since I’ve been totally checking you out!
Did you notice that I’m like a best seller? Currently unavailable.

If you were a McDonald’s burger, you’d be the McGorgeous.
Thanks, Ronald, but I’ve already talked to enough clowns tonight

Man: You are the reason why men fall in love.
Woman: Thank you. And you are the reason why women don’t.

Man: I’d really like to get into your pants.
Woman: No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there.

Man: Haven’t we met before?
Woman: Yes, I’m the receptionist at the STD Clinic.

Man: I can give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t usually accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your face must turn a few heads!
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs!

Man: Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason!
Woman: Yeah! To pick up some chicks!

Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
Actually, it’s you. Because you just crashed and burned.

Excuse me, does this napkin smell like chloroform to you?
Not as much as that pick-up line smells like desperation.

You know, you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
And you look exactly like the guy I turned down two seconds from now.

Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams?
No, they hurt from dodging corny lines like that all night.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

Man: Hi! Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
Woman: Maybe once. I never make the same mistake twice!

Man: Baby, your body is a wonderland!
Woman: That’s funny, because yours is a wasteland!

Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time!

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Hi girl, your place, or mine?
Woman: You go back to yours and I go back to mine.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Away from you.

Man: If I am able to rearrange the alphabet, I would put “U” and “I” together.
Woman: Oh, how sweet. If you asked me, I would put “F” and “U” together.

Older Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: For the first half of it, I probably wasn’t born yet.

Man: So, wanna go back to my place?
Woman: Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put you between F and CK
Woman: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put you before GLY

Man: I can make your bed rock
Woman: No you can’t, I have a Tempurpedic

Man: What do math and my dick have in common?…They’re both hard for you
Woman: You must be a math problem because you’re annoying and difficult.

I hope you found some you liked. Make a man glad he picked you to give his line to

~~~till we laugh again~~~

13 Jokes About Women

Can Women Take a Joke?

Ok, so yesterday we shared some jokes about men. It is only fitting that we share some jokes about women. After all, women want equal rights so we get to make fun of them too!

Here are 13 Jokes About Women that you can tell

Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion

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What did God say after creating man?

I can do so much better.

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Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

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When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first-aid!” The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”

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A man asks his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?” His wife says, “Take half and leave your ass!” The man replies, “Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!”

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A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” The husband says, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!” –

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A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably, “My wife missed the bus.”

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A wife asked her husband, “Honey, will you still love me when I am old and overweight?” The man replied, “Yes, I do.”

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Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. At least he’ll shut up after you let him in.

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Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

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I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life

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I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her

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If you want to know who is really man’s best friend, put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, come back an hour later, open the trunk, and see which one is happy to see you.

So, did you find one you liked? Do you have one to share?

~~~till we laugh again~~~

11 Jokes About Men

Jokes About Men? Here Are a Few You Can Use

Did you know that one of the most searched types of jokes has to do with men? I just picture a bunch of women blowing up Google just to make fun of the dudes. Is it fair? Of course! There are twice as many jokes making fun of women. LOL

Let’s take a look at 11 Jokes about Men

A man asks, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God responded, ”So you would love her.” The man asks, “But God, why did you make her so dumb?” God replied, “So she would love you.”

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Girl: “Girls are better than boys.”

Boy: “Then why did God make boys first?”

Girl: “Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy.”

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Men Are Like…… Blenders.

You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

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Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

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How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don’t work

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How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.”

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How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?

All he’s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

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What’s the best way to kill a man?

Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

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What do men and beer bottles have in common?

They are both empty from the neck up.

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How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

Both of them.

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There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”

The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” they asked. “She said, ‘get out from under the bed and fight like a man’.”

God I love that last one!!!

Well ladies, I hope you had a good laugh. But be careful, I’m all about fair play. Who knows what the next post will have!

~~See You Tomorrow~~

Random Jokes to Help You Smile Today

Sometimes You Just Have to Take a Time Out in Your Day and Laugh

Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let’s start from your bank account.

Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the alley late last night?
One was a salted.

What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.”

What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large

What did the psychiatrist say to the naked man?
Well, I can clearly see your nuts

What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef. (boo)

What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate Clauses. (lol…I love this one)

~~~till we laugh again~~~

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What Do You Call… Jokes

Let’s test your knowledge shall we?

How many of these can you guess?

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

What did the ghost say to the wall?

Hey, sorry just passing thru.

How do you communicate with a fish?

Drop him a line!

What do you call two pears?

A Pair

What did one wall say to the other?

Meet you at the corner.

What do you call a bear without an ear?

B. Which type of bees produce milk?

Boo Bees

What did the tree say to the wind?

Leaf me alone!

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

A stick.

What’s worse than having a worm in your apple?

Taking a bite and finding half of a worm in the apple!

What do you call fake pasta

Impasta

What do you call a cow that twitches

Beef Jerky

What do you call a group of unorganized cats?

Cat-astrophe

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Do-you-think-he-saw-us

Hope you got a laugh or two!

~~~till we laugh again~~~

A Message from Beyond

You’ve Got Mail

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he misspelled her name and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Are You As Dumb As This Kid?

Sometimes Things Aren’t What They Seem

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

That is one smart kid!!

Till we laugh again!

This Joke Just Plain Stinks

Grab a clothespin as this joke is really smelly!

Can you handle it?

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Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

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Now this one is interactive.

You know the routine if you like jokes.

Especially Knock Knock jokes

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So when you see this

????

You know what to do..

Say it out loud

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Ready?

Put the clothespin on now.

You’ve Been Warned

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Knock Knock

????

Smell Mop

????

I told you it stunk!

How to Wash Your Cat

The Full Proof Way to Get a Clean Kitty

Cats are interesting critters. They have a mind of their own. While they love licking themselves to death, sometimes they just need a little extra help getting sparkly clean.

I came across this little post today that a real cat lover wrote to help ensure you little fluffy is nice and purdy. So if you have ever wondered the best way to wash a cat, check this out.

Ok, ok, so I think Fido may have an alternative motive. LOL

Oh you know you laughed a little!

For the record, I do not recommend you doing this. (just in case one of you get a bright idea to really give your cat a bath like this)

Knock Knock…Who’s There? – A Bunch of Knock Knock Jokes of Course!

Who doesn’t love a good Knock Knock Joke?

Well, anyone who has met the Interrupting Cow of course!

If you are a seasoned knock knock joke person you totally go that one! 🙂

I thought what better way to enjoy a Sunday then with some fun, light hearted knock knock jokes? So let’s jump in and have a few giggles shall we?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Kook
Kook who?
Don’t call me cuckoo

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Little old lady?
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo who?

Don’t cry, it’s just me

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Doris
Doris who?
Doris locked, that’s why I knocked

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Dishes
Dishes who?
Dishes me, who are you?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Figs
Figs who?
Figs the doorbell, it’s broken

Knock Knock

Who’s There?

Theodore

Theodore who?
Theodore is stuck and it won’t open!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cash
Cash who?
Yes, I love cashews..Thanks!

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Ya who?

I’m excited to see you too!

Knock Knock

Who’s There

Amos

Amos who?
A mosquito bit me!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wanda
Wanda who?
Wanda hang out with me right now?

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Nobel

Nobel who?

No bell, that’s why I knocked!

~~
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting pirate!
Interrup…
ARRRRRRRRRR!

(Dang, the cow has a new friend) Moooooo

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to keep telling silly knock knock jokes?

Nope! I’m out of here! Hope you enjoyed some cute laughs!!

~~Till next time~~

30 Jokes to Make Your Kids Laugh!

A Child’s Laughter Will Make the Strongest Weak

We all like to laugh. More fun is helping others laugh! The best type of laugh? One from a child. So here are 30 jokes you can tell to either an adult or a child and hopefully you can have lots of giggles and laughs!

Enjoy!

1 Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

A: A tuba toothpaste.

2 Q: What do lawyers wear to court?

A: Lawsuits!

3 Q: What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

A: Take the words out of his mouth!

4 Q: Why do fish live in salt water?

A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!

5 Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?

A: Because 7, 8, 9.

6 Q: What did the pencil say to the other pencil?

A: your looking sharp.

7 Q: Why did the picture go to jail?

A: Because it was framed.

8 Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours?

A: Nacho cheese!

9 Q: What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A: A watch dog.

10 Q: What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A: A lawn moo-er

11 Q: What do elves learn in school?

A: The elf-abet.

12 Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?

A: Swimming trunks

13 Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?

A: A taxi driver

14 Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?

A: He wanted to go to high school.

15 Q: How does a dog stop a video?

A: He presses the paws button

16 Q: What is black ,white and red all over?

A: A sunburned penguin!

17 Q: How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

A: Squeaky clean!

18 Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?

A: Because it had a virus!

19 Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?

A: A bulldozer!

20 Q: What is the tallest building in the world?

A: The library! It has the most stories!

21 Q: Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

A: To go with the traffic jam!

22 Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?

A: He was a little hoarse.

23 Q: Where do you put barking dogs?

A: In a barking lot.

24 Q: What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A: A gummy bear!

25 Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate?

A: Porkchop!

26 Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A: No I deer!

27 Q: What do you call an exploding monkey?

A: A baboom!

28 Q: What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

A: Stuck!

29 Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A: Frostbite.

30 Q: Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

A: Because of the bark!

If you loved what you read or at least most of the time….please do us a favor and share! Let’s help a lot of folks laugh!

~~~till we laugh again~~~

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Riddle Me This….

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

I love riddles. I love taking on the challenge. However, when doing simple basic riddles, sometimes we can be made to feel that we are NOT smarter than a 5th grader. LOL

The other day I was doing some riddles with a 12 and 8 year old. I was pretty impressed how well they did. Turns out their dad does them with them. A great idea, get those problem solving skills going early and hone them as they grow. Otherwise they become like us….not smarter than a 5th grader. 😀

Ok, here are a few easy riddles to stretch your riddle muscle… Answers Below…Good Luck!

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Q 1: Mary’s father has 5 daughters – Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the fifth daughters name?

Q 2: Is an older one-hundred dollar bill worth more than a newer one?

Q 3: Mr. Smith has two children. If the older child is a boy, what are the odds that the other child is also a boy?

Q 4: What travels around the world but stays in one spot?

Q 5: In a one-story pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower– everything was pink!
What color were the stairs?

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Ok, Let’s see how you did….

…

A 1: Mary is the 5th daughter

A 2: Of course it is. A $100 bill is worth more than a $1 bill (newer one)

A 3: 50%

A 4: A stamp

A 5: There weren’t any stairs, it was a one story house!

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How did you do?

How many of the 5 did you get right?

Some Quick Laughs to Brighten You Day

Wanna Laugh?

Let’s See if Any of These Do the Trick!

If you are like me, you love to laugh. I love the quick and funny ones that are so silly you can’t help but laugh.

Here are a few to help brighten you day….

Q: What has holes but never spills water?

A: A Sponge

Q: What does the grape say when smashed?

A: Nothing, just gives a little whine

Q: “Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

A: She didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills.”

Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long

A: Then it would be a foot!

Q: How do you turn soup into gold?

A: Add twenty four carrots

Q: What type of shoes are made from bananas?

A: Slippers

Q: Did you hear the one about the roof?

A: I’m sure it was over your head

Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked into court?

A: Odor in the court!

Q: Why are math books always sad?

A: They have way too many problems

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?

A: Stick with me kid, and we will go places!

Hope one or two make you laugh!

Feel free to share some of your favorite jokes!

~~~till we laugh again~~~

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