59 Comeback Woman Can Use on Bad Pickup Lines

Have you ever had a guy slither up to you with a twinkle in his eye and a bad pickup line rolling off his lips? Did you wish you had a great comeback? Well next time you will be ready with these great responses I found while roaming the internet for you.

Here are 59 Comebacks for those Bad Pickup Lines

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!
No, they’re prison pants. And it’s time for me to make my escape.

Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy!
No, I’m Finnish. Finnish with this conversation!

Feel my shirt. That’s boyfriend material.
It looks a little too clingy and hard to maintain.

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.
I don’t. But I know karate and I could rip your lungs out.

There’s something wrong with my eyes. I can’t take them off you.
I’m having a problem with mine, too. I can’t see you getting anywhere with me.

What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
I was gonna ask you the same thing!

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?
Go ahead. I need to practice hitting a moving target.

Why don’t we get drunk and make some bad decisions?
You look like you already are, and you just did.

Didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.
I’m thinking it was history. Which is what you should be right now.

Are you a magician? Because abraca-dayum, girl!
Yeah. Now watch me disappear.

Is your last name Campbell?
Because you’re Mmm Mmm good!

Your nickname must be Dirt Devil, because tonight you’ll be alone with the power of an upright in the palm of your hand.

Do you have a map? I’m getting lost in your eyes.
Sorry, no map. So why don’t you just get lost?

Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see!
Are you from Istanbul? Because you sound like a real turkey.

I just Googled “sexy” and a picture of you came up.
You’ll get the same result if you search for “not interested.”

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
If I said I wanted to check out your ass, would you turn around and walk away?

Man: Is this seat taken?
Woman: No, and mine will not be anymore if you sit down.

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

Man: I will do whatever it takes to please you.
Woman: Ok, please me by getting out of my sight.

Man: I would go till the end of the world just for you.
Woman: Really? Ok. Would you stay there?

That’s a cute dress. It would look even better on my bedroom floor.
And it would look fabulous jammed into your windpipe.

Here I am! What were your other two wishes?
That he be charming and handsome. I guess not all wishes come true.

All those curves and me with no brakes.
So cheesy, and me with no pizza.

Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.
No, but you must be a jury notice, because I’m trying to avoid you.

I feel like a library card, since I’ve been totally checking you out!
Did you notice that I’m like a best seller? Currently unavailable.

If you were a McDonald’s burger, you’d be the McGorgeous.
Thanks, Ronald, but I’ve already talked to enough clowns tonight

Man: You are the reason why men fall in love.
Woman: Thank you. And you are the reason why women don’t.

Man: I’d really like to get into your pants.
Woman: No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there.

Man: Haven’t we met before?
Woman: Yes, I’m the receptionist at the STD Clinic.

Man: I can give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t usually accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your face must turn a few heads!
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs!

Man: Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason!
Woman: Yeah! To pick up some chicks!

Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
Actually, it’s you. Because you just crashed and burned.

Excuse me, does this napkin smell like chloroform to you?
Not as much as that pick-up line smells like desperation.

You know, you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
And you look exactly like the guy I turned down two seconds from now.

Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams?
No, they hurt from dodging corny lines like that all night.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

Man: Hi! Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
Woman: Maybe once. I never make the same mistake twice!

Man: Baby, your body is a wonderland!
Woman: That’s funny, because yours is a wasteland!

Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time!

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Hi girl, your place, or mine?
Woman: You go back to yours and I go back to mine.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Away from you.

Man: If I am able to rearrange the alphabet, I would put “U” and “I” together.
Woman: Oh, how sweet. If you asked me, I would put “F” and “U” together.

Older Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: For the first half of it, I probably wasn’t born yet.

Man: So, wanna go back to my place?
Woman: Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put you between F and CK
Woman: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put you before GLY

Man: I can make your bed rock
Woman: No you can’t, I have a Tempurpedic

Man: What do math and my dick have in common?…They’re both hard for you
Woman: You must be a math problem because you’re annoying and difficult.

I hope you found some you liked. Make a man glad he picked you to give his line to

~~~till we laugh again~~~

13 Jokes About Women

Can Women Take a Joke?

Ok, so yesterday we shared some jokes about men. It is only fitting that we share some jokes about women. After all, women want equal rights so we get to make fun of them too!

Here are 13 Jokes About Women that you can tell

Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion

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What did God say after creating man?

I can do so much better.

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Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

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When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first-aid!” The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”

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A man asks his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?” His wife says, “Take half and leave your ass!” The man replies, “Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!”

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A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” The husband says, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!” –

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A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably, “My wife missed the bus.”

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A wife asked her husband, “Honey, will you still love me when I am old and overweight?” The man replied, “Yes, I do.”

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Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. At least he’ll shut up after you let him in.

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Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

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I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life

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I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her

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If you want to know who is really man’s best friend, put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, come back an hour later, open the trunk, and see which one is happy to see you.

So, did you find one you liked? Do you have one to share?

~~~till we laugh again~~~

11 Jokes About Men

Jokes About Men? Here Are a Few You Can Use

Did you know that one of the most searched types of jokes has to do with men? I just picture a bunch of women blowing up Google just to make fun of the dudes. Is it fair? Of course! There are twice as many jokes making fun of women. LOL

Let’s take a look at 11 Jokes about Men

A man asks, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God responded, ”So you would love her.” The man asks, “But God, why did you make her so dumb?” God replied, “So she would love you.”

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Girl: “Girls are better than boys.”

Boy: “Then why did God make boys first?”

Girl: “Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy.”

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Men Are Like…… Blenders.

You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

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Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

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How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don’t work

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How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.”

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How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?

All he’s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

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What’s the best way to kill a man?

Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

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What do men and beer bottles have in common?

They are both empty from the neck up.

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How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

Both of them.

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There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”

The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” they asked. “She said, ‘get out from under the bed and fight like a man’.”

God I love that last one!!!

Well ladies, I hope you had a good laugh. But be careful, I’m all about fair play. Who knows what the next post will have!

~~See You Tomorrow~~

A New Stick Figure Family Decal

This Stick Figure Family Had Me Rolling

By now, we all have seen those stick figures on the back of cars. The range from the traditional ones with mom, dad, kids and pets. Now you can get them with Hello Kitty, Zombies, and various other fun families. They have ones being chased by a masked chainsaw, a dinosaur and even the Star Wars planes. I’ve seen ones with with items representing the family like rifles, pets and even marshmallows.

My personal favorite has always been the “Ass” Family. You know the one, Smart Ass, Dumb Ass, Jack Ass… LOL That one cracks me up.

But today, I saw a new Stick Figure Family that had me rolling. One I haven’t seen before. At first I thought he had just made it up himself but I guess they actually make them. Below is a picture of the one I took. Since it isn’t a great picture I Googled it and found out there are others. Too funny!

I just knew I had to share with you today the latest family rolling down a street near you….

Hope you get a good chuckle!
~~till we laugh again~~~

Losing Their Mind Over the Election

The 2016 Election is No Joke

I normally stay away from Religion and Politics. They are neither funny nor are they something that people can discuss without becoming defensive. People speak to be heard, not to be understood. There is a difference.

I take it back. It is funny. Funny to watch people say they are opened minded but then I watch them do everything but be open-minded. There is something about these two topics that cause normally well adjusted people to lose their mind. Take this recent US election for example.

People are loosing their mind on both sides of the political extreme. I’m not talking about the riots, protests, etc. I’m talking about everyday conversations between people.

A basic human nature is to be right. One of the hardest things for us is to admit we were wrong or that we might be concerned about our pick. Right now, I’m watching folks dig their heels in on the pick they made.

Let’s take one side. Those that voted for Trump. Everyone has a right to vote for who they wanted. That is what makes America great. The problem is, we have created this mentality of “us vs them”. When this happens and people feel attacked, they defend their candidate at all costs. Here are two things I feel are funny or at least ironic…

A) Those Trump supporters that are mad that people who are bashing Donald Trump – Reason I find this funny? Many of these same people spent the last 8 years viciously attacking Obama. Talk about ironic. I also find it sad. They don’t even see how funny it is that they can dish it out, but can’t take it.

B) These same folks are the same ones that just a year ago, wanted any other Republican but Trump. For a year they bashed him and only got in his camp if you will once he kept winning. I laugh every time I hear them act as if he has been their #1 guy from the beginning.

Listen, there are many folks that are scared. Each day something new happens. This will continue. Some of it will be good and some of it will be bad. But one thing is for sure, the next 4 years will be full of a lot of things. One thing I know, we will be laughing one way or another. It might be a nervous laugh, it might be an ironic laugh or it might be a full on belly laugh due to the stuff Trump says.

Now, I’m not trying to be political. I’m just pointing out how this election has caused folks to lose their mind. Common sense has left the building. I hope it comes back soon. While I find it funny to watch, I also find it sad. Sad that people aren’t open to hearing each other. If we don’t start hearing the good and the bad but more importantly the opportunities we have as a nation, I feel we as a nation will become a joke to the rest of the world. Oh wait, I think we already have…. 🙁

So don’t be surprised if I pop in on the humor that is Trump. I only want the best for our country, but I have a feeling it is going to be an interesting ride so we might as well buckle in and have some fun.

~~~till we laugh again~~~

Tammy

Laughter is the Best Medicine