What Do You Call… Jokes

Let’s test your knowledge shall we?

How many of these can you guess?

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

What did the ghost say to the wall?

Hey, sorry just passing thru.

How do you communicate with a fish?

Drop him a line!

What do you call two pears?

A Pair

What did one wall say to the other?

Meet you at the corner.

What do you call a bear without an ear?

B. Which type of bees produce milk?

Boo Bees

What did the tree say to the wind?

Leaf me alone!

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

A stick.

What’s worse than having a worm in your apple?

Taking a bite and finding half of a worm in the apple!

What do you call fake pasta

Impasta

What do you call a cow that twitches

Beef Jerky

What do you call a group of unorganized cats?

Cat-astrophe

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Do-you-think-he-saw-us

Hope you got a laugh or two!

~~~till we laugh again~~~

Getting a Second Opinion at the Vet

Does Your Vet Know What They Are Talking About?

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon and laid it on the table. The vet pulled out his stethoscope, listened to the bird’s chest and informed the woman that her duck was dead.

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure? I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, left the room and returned with a Labrador retriever. The dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and led it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely a dead duck.” The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill and screamed, “$150! Just to tell me my duck is dead?”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, it’s now $150.”

~~~till we laugh again~~~

Joke of the Day – The Affair

Just Send a Post Card

For two years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money to go to Italy and secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how would he know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, nine months later, he come home to his confused wife. “Honey!”, she said “you received a very strange post card today.”

He said ‘just give it to me and I will explain later’.

She watched as he read the card, turned white and fainted.

On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti Three with meatballs, two without…send extra sauce

Now That is a Spaghetti Dinner!

~~ till we laugh again~~

Are you an In-e or an Out-e?

No, not your belly button silly.

Although, that would have probably made a funnier post.

No, I’m talking about ~~ Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Basically introverts get their “energy” by being alone and recharging themselves. Extroverts get their “energy” from others. They get joy and excitement out of being around others.

If given a chance, introverts would prefer to be alone doing what they love (can be anything, reading, TV, computer, gardening, doesn’t matter). While extroverts would prefer to P A R T ~ aaaaa. They love to be around others and the thought of being alone drives them batty.

If there is a party going on, the extroverts love to be the first ones there and the last to leave. Introverts are thinking of every reason to get out of the sill thing. “Cough, cough, I think I feel a cold coming on.”

Extroverts see a crowd of people and start to salivate at the thought of joining them. Introverts hyperventilate at the thought of having to join them.

I am an introvert. However, I will get folks to disagree when I tell them. Why? Shouldn’t it be obvious?

I wish it was. Turns out there are a lot more folks like me. We have learned to succeed in the work place by giving speeches, teaching people, or even getting involved in a conversation or two.

What you don’t see is our internal dialog shouting for us to RUN!

Sure we can have fun, but in our head we are already looking forward to getting home and turning off all the noise around us.

So, are you an In -e or an Out-e?

~~~till we laugh again~~~

~~~

Duct Tape vs WD40

Solve Any Problem with Duct Tape or WD40

Every single person in the world should learn at a young age that most of life’s broken items can be fixed using either Duct Tape or WD40.

Every single home should have these two items in their junk drawer. Don’t you agree?

Are You Sure You Want to Bungee Jump?

Let’s Go Bungee Jumping in Mexico

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.”

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and began to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

Once they complete the tower, and announcement is made in Spanish and the first guy jumps.

He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able to catch him, he falls again, bounces, and comes back up again.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again,the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up.

This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, “What happened? Was the cord too long?”

The first guy says, “No, the cord was fine, but what the hell is a pinata?”

Don’t Forget to Laugh Each and Everyday!!

~~Till Our Next Cute Joke of the Day~~