Letter to Mr Ride My Ass

Dear Mr. Ride My Ass,

Yes, I see you behind me. In your big semi truck. I notice the speed limit on this little road we are on says 55 miles an hour. I notice that I’m going 60 miles and hour and I also notice that you are getting closer and closer by the minute. I’m pretty impressed by your 70+ miles an hour in that big rig.

I’m pretty sure those teeth on your grill are meant to intimidate me as you fill up my rear view mirror. Grrrrr, I’ll eat you up you silly ice cream truck!”. I can hear it screaming now.

But you know what? I’m not afraid. If anything, I laugh at your over aggressive driving harassment. Ha Ha Ha!  All you make me want to do is slow down to make sure you can’t pass. I have the upper hand on this two lane highway. Sure you might be bigger than me, but I have the power right now. I know those teeth aren’t real.

So you just chill right back and settle in. It’s going to be a long 10 miles for you bub! You done messed with the wrong Pink Ice Cream Truck!

Sincerely,

The nice lady in the truck you are trying to eat.

PS. The Oreo Sundae on the side of the truck is fake. It is not real. So calm down.

`

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

Get Off My Butt, You Maniac

Have you ever watched that old Goofy cartoon where easy going Goofy gets behind the wheel of a car and suddenly he is transformed into a crazy mad dog driver?  I love that cartoon.

People make me laugh when they get behind the wheel of a car. For some reason they all feel like they are in a race.

First off, I don’t drive slow. I am a speed limit kind of person and will go 5- 8 miles over on occasion. I don’t speed for two reasons. First because I know most of the time you don’t get there that much sooner and I like living. Second, probably the most important, I will be the one that gets caught. My lot in life is to live by the rules that cost me money or jail time.

With that said, living in Arizona you get to drive a lot of long stretches of desert road with only one lane each way. You get to share this road with the slow folks, the fast folks and the big butt semi trucks.

While I don’t personally speed, I do expect others to at least go the speed limit. My eyes bug out when I’m behind the person that feels 5- 10 under is the best way not to get caught. Maybe their car is that old and falling apart. Who knows. But you know who I’m talking about. I feel like banging my head against the steering wheel. Yes I do occasionally pass, but luck is, if I’m behind that slow poke, I’m pretty sure the on coming traffic is such that I can’t pass. Thus dragging out my torture.

But my Goofy reference is more for the crazy drivers that feel they will get there faster than the rest of us — one car at a time. Take today for example. I’m on this stretch taking my nephews home. It’s probably 30 minutes going 50-55. Behind me is a big semi and I later learned, behind him was a red truck. In front of me was another semi and another slower car. Not so slow, but doing the actual 50 posted.

Through my side mirror I see a red truck come flying past the semi behind me and past me. Squeezing in between myself and the semi in front of me. You know the kind, where if you don’t slam on your breaks, he will get killed by the on coming traffic so its your duty to let his crazy ass in. I just had to laugh because when all was said and done, he couldn’t pass the semi in front of me and the slow car ahead of him due to the on coming traffic. I just laughed knowing his death defying maneuver saved him exactly 4.5 seconds in the end.

I also love the ones that zip in and out of traffic almost causing accidents, only for you to catch up to them at the light. It makes you just want to wave to them and say, “Hey, thanks for holding the light for me by getting here first.”  Then you just laugh.

I also love when they ride your butt thinking it will make you go faster. Don’t they understand it has the opposite effect on me? Yep, makes me want to go slower. Normally I just go exactly what the speed limit is. Just to drive them nuts. Maybe even set my cruise control to avoid the temptation of speeding up. Some people say do a brake check on them, but I’ve had my baby (truck) for 11 years. No idiot is worth them slamming into it.

All I know is, people get “goofy” when they get behind the wheel…..

 

~~~till we laugh again~~~