Why Do You Try My Patience?

Do you ever wonder if you have a big neon sign over your head saying “Try My Patience”?

I’m a pretty easy going individual and try not to let such a silly emotion like Anger rule my world. It’s such a useless emotion that solves nothing. But just because I choose to let most things roll off my back like a duck, doesn’t mean it is a sign of weakness like some people tend to take it for. It just means I refuse to cave into letting you piss me off.   😀

You see, anger is about letting you have power over me and no one has power over me. I have a saying…

     NEVER GIVE SOMEONE ELSE POWER OVER YOU, IT IS YOUR SUPERPOWER AND NOT THEIRS!

 

Now, what does this rant have to do with humor?  Easily, watching you think you can tick me off is hilarious! Besides, this is a sarcasm site, not just a drop on the floor with a belly ache ha ha site.

Now, I had a point to this rambling when I started, what the heck was it….. (Que the Jeopardy theme song…)

Oh yea, I remember now.  That neon sign over my head – Try My Patience.

Today has been a day when people are pushing my buttons. But anger I refuse to give in to! Now, if you say, give into my frustration? Sign me up. I get frustrated a lot. I don’t yell though. I rub my eyes, scratch my head and just go “Why???” In my head I go “What the heck are you thinking!!!”

Now I could go on and on on about this, but I’m not. I just wanted to vent so I didn’t do pretend physical harm to someone. You know the pretend stuff where you are in a cartoon and like Wile E Coyote you can drop them off a cliff and they don’t die or get hurt. Maybe smash their head into the foam fake wall. Or maybe even hit the secret trap door that sends them into the depths of the earth. Well, you get the point.

I feel better now. Thank you my wordpress/facebook/twitter readers. All is good in my world again.

At least until I come into contact with another human being.

~~~~till we laugh again~~~~

I Don’t Do Phone

Every Christmas a tradition goes on in many homes across the world – Pass the Phone Around.

Now, I’ve never been a fan of this particular tradition. It has always been a form of torture for me. I’m not sure if bamboo under the nails is worse. Tho I assume it has to be so I just do “phone” when required to be a good daughter or friend. (Although I failed miserably yesterday)

You see, I DON”T DO PHONE! Maybe you have someone in your family like me. My nephew is grooming to join my club.

Here is the issue. I hate talking on the phone. Period. I hate holding the phone to my head, I hate the talking. I hate the small talk. I hate being on hold. I hate everything about it. Those close to me know this. It took many years for them to accept it.

I feel worse for my mom as she probably has been hurt the most by this quirk of mine.(Although she does get at least one good call a week and sometimes I actually listen too). I have another family member that builds up her “7 minutes” of talk time that I must use each month.

Yea, I admit it, I have a bad memory on my calls. I’ve been known to hang up then be asked what did you two talk about? I’ll have a blank stare and honest to god I can not recall what we discussed. I know, I suck. I’m bad. I’m a terrible daughter, friend, co-worker, you name it. I accept my loserhood. I know a big part of this particular issue is my failure to not multi-task while talking. But just sitting or standing there listening to someone is like hitting me over the head with a 2 x 4.

Oh and don’t put me on hold. I will hang up. It’s nothing personal, I don’t do “phone” so I sure the heck don’t do “hold”. I’ve had several awesome administrative assistants in my time and one of the first things I told them is I hate being put on hold. I’m ok with you putting me on hold to take care of customers, employees or emergencies. But when I’m not there when you come back, don’t take it personal, just call me back. They all understood and accepted my deficency in this area.

Currently I’m trying to reach out to one of my sisters but we have a communication gap. She prefers phone, I prefer text, email, carrier pigeon, anything but talking on the phone. She on the other hand never looks at facebook, her cell is lost in her purse or the cushions and I think she forgot her email password or the dog ate it. Oh well, I guess that carrier pigeon option is starting to look better.

Ok, I will admit that bluetooth and headphones has helped. Only a tiny bit. I no longer need to hold the phone to my ear but I still have that small talk problem or even worse, paying attention 100%.

As we move into a new year, I could pretend to have a new resolution to be better at this, but I’d so be lying. I’ve hated it for the past 40 years I’ll hate it for the next 40.

In parting I have one thing to say…… TEXT ME! I promise we can have a conversation in short messages. It will feel like we talked for hours.

And if you love me… Please, please, please … Don’t make me do phone!   😀

 

~~~~~~till we laugh again~~~~~~~~~~

Yep! I’m Laughing at You

Let’s face it, we all do it. We all lie about it. And we might as well come clean.There is no shame.

A friend was telling me how she scuffed up her knees when she went flying when trying to out run someone. I pictured her getting her top half too far ahead of her feet and then gravity took it from there. Face plant.  (LOL – sorry, laughing just picturing it again – arms out, rolling around a few times, maybe a somersault or two). I told her I have been there so many times (I’m the family klutz). Even when we are the ones falling, we can’t help but laugh through the pain. Many a time I just sat there laughing my butt off thinking of the site I must have made.

Those around us want to bust a gut but we yell at  them that they better not laugh at us. So while there is genuine concern, the belly ache is just dying to be released. You can laugh and care at the same time. It’s freaking funny.

Slap stick has been a staple of our comedy for years. We love for people to fall down, bang into walls, hit someone over the head. Yet for some reason, we let those embarrassing moments cause us to scream “Are you laughing at me?” and we sheepishly go “No, not at all”   (even though our soda that just shot out our nose gave us away).

One day I was making a large drink for someone and knocked it over, spilling it all down my shirt and leg. I was so ticked off (and cold as it was a frozen drink) and we were busy and it made this huge mess. The guy I was working with just looked at me ready to die laughing but thought it might be safer for him to just look away. I looked at him and said “It’s ok, if it wasn’t me I’d be dying too.”

So I say in 2012 as part of our laugh a day, we embrace our truth. Yes! I am laughing at you. I”m sorry you got hurt, but that shit was funny!

 

~~~~~~ till we laugh again~~~~~

Animal Russian Roulette or Animal Dodge Ball?

First off, I live in the middle of nowhere. Ok, not really nowhere because technically it is somewhere and I do know where I am. So the actual wording should be; I live out in the desert where most humans prefer the city or a small town. Think of it as making a right at the small town and then out 15 minutes past the “normal” people. My claim to those that make fun of me, is I at least get to see all the stars at night uninterrupted by the street lights or city lights. We need to go miles and miles to find a street light – SO there! Nanu Nanu!

Anyways, I did have a point to make on this post, now what was it….. Oh yea..

On that 15 minute drive to civilization I have noticed that Mother Nature thinks those of us foolish enough to live out there and have nothing to look at for our trek into town should at least be able to play a game as we drive in and out. ANIMAL DODGEBALL.

Now, before all the PETA fans and animal lovers go crazy, finish reading. I promise, it’s not us humans. It’s them!

I’m thinking the critters that live out in our way must get awful bored with no movie theaters or arcades or a decent donut place. So they just lie in wait and think of things to humor themselves with. And they have decided it is either so boring they take their chances with Russian Roulette or a dangerous game of Animal Dodge Ball. And it is so popular all the animals play.

I drive down this one road we call “I’m by the cow farm” (it’s really a cow farm that harnesses cow poo – yummy smell when 115 degrees out but that is another story for another day). While driving down this patch, listening to my music trying to avoid falling in the ditch — a flock, no a gaggle, no a bus load of black birds swoop down in front of my truck pulling up just as they are about to see why sometimes you are the windshield and sometimes you are the bug. And let me tell ya, some of those suckers think they are Tom Cruise in Top Gun. It really is like a scene out of Hitchcock’s The Birds.

Then, on the way to my dirt road late at night, the road is pitch black, yes pitch black. Trust me, I love taking new visitors down the road and killing my head lights to watch them scream like a teenage girl at a Justin Beiber concert. Anyways, as I drive, these jack rabbits, regular rabbits, Bugs Bunny, whoever they are; dash out in front of me narrowly getting across (Must be those lucky rabbit’s feet they bought at 7-11).  And during this mile stretch, this will repeat itself like 3-4 times like a wave at the baseball stadium (some nights they also struggle getting past the 2nd section of stubborn folks refusing to participate).

This post is too long now, so I can’t tell you about the wolf rush or the road runner rally. But maybe someday.

Just know, It’s not our fault that our houses are located in the middle of now where on their turf. They just need to get over it and live peacefully with our whirling cars driving through their backyards.  After all, it’s the American way to take over someone or something’s land.

 

~~~~~~~~ Till we laugh again~~~~~~~

PS, No birds,  rabbits, wolves, dogs, roadrunners, bees, strays, etc were harmed during this post. (at least not by me)

Sign Twirlers & Passion for the Job

We’ve all seen them, the kids they pay $10 an hour to stand on the corner swirling signs. Yep, they make that much, some pay even more. Unless of course they work for the place then they get minimum wage so if you feel the need to sign swirl, be an independent contractor!

Here in Arizona, these folks get to do this in 115 degree heat. When you pass them you want to give them some water. Makes you wonder if they have to pay for their own water out of that $10. Things that make you go hmmm… I keep waiting to drive by one day and see one lying flat out on the corner passed out from heat exhaustion. And I suppose in Montana they just freeze in place. As long as they don’t lick the light post they should be safe.

Or how about the poor folks at tax time that get to not only stand out in the heat but wear that cool statue of liberty costume? Now, you know you are jealous! Wishing you had that job.

How about the Entertainment value? They get so bored they start swirling that sign. Is it me or are they getting more daring with their tricks? Some can fling it in the air and catch it, some swing it behind their back, and some do a little dance. I’m always smiling or laughing at them. They are soooo cute and entertaining.

Then there are the ones that are so cool, you know the ones, in the hoodie, Ipod in their ears and attitude on their face. They look soooo excited by this high paying gig. And the poor things are so exhausted by this work, they they can’t even hold up the sign, they just lay it across their shins letting it point into the road. (I’m pretty sure the businesses isn’t located in the middle of the intersection)

But there is one problem. I usually don’t have the foggiest idea what that sign says. Last time I checked, I was driving and being entertained by their movements, I never really pay attention to their sign. Plus, even if I wanted to I would be SOL (poop out of Luck). When I would look, that is when the sign would not be over their head or behind the back, between the knees, or up their as… well you get the point.

So, my advice for those hiring these folks, while they definitely provide entertainment in some fashion for myself and the other drivers, for $10 – $15 an hour, you might want to see if you are getting what you pay for. I know I am…

 

~~~~~~~~ Till we laugh again~~~~~~~

I need a plan for my resolution…

Ok, as you know, I have committed to 365 (366) days of helping everyone laugh in 2012. I thought I’d start practicing this month to get in the groove. So far I’m on day T minus 16 and since I started at T minus 25 I’ve missed 2 days. Hmmm, my plan isn’t working to well.

But I have an excuse – I mean reason. Life. Yep, I’m blaming life. How dare it get in the way? How rude.

Then again, as everyone starts to decide on their New Years Resolutions, I guess my practice month shows a fatal flaw we all will have. Working in our daily life in to our Yearly goal.

Whether your goal is to lose weight, start working out more, eating healthier, stop smoking, not swearing, not hitting your brother, making your bed everyday, not settling for cheap toilet paper — well you get the point.  Whatever your resolution, it will require daily focus. And yet life will will get in the way and we can’t quit. Česky: Toaletní papír English: Toilet paper Es...

Now where was I going? Ah, the bathroom (hence the toilet paper commitment)….

 

Wait! that wasn’t it. My point is, we might fall off our resolution a day here and there but the important thing is, we hop back on that commitment train and keep riding until our last stop on December 31, 2012.  (Except those of you giving up smoking, you can’t restart on January 1, 2013 / Bed makers, you can stop and go back to being messy cuz if you kept it up for a year, you deserve a plaque!)

I’m just rambling (I know, what’s new)

I’m out of here, I have make my bed (Soooooooooooo kidding on that one – I haven’t made my bed in years – seems like such a waste of time since i’ll just get it messy again tonight)

~~~~~~~~Till next time~~~~~~~~~

I Bring You Mr Pants Down

I bring you – Mr. Pants Down. No, I don’t mean the kids (and sometimes adults) who think it they are all that and a bag of chips (Don’t forget the Coke – as Karla would tell me).

Why on earth would they feel the need to show the world they are intellectually challenged on how to do the simple task of pulling up their pants?

Maybe, their parents forgot to teach them where their waist was…

“Jimmy, where is your nose? Where is your knee? Where is your belly button?…”   You get the point.

It might be different if they had some boxers that had some important message. I can see it now written across one of their behinds…  “If I pull these up I will explode and kill dozens of people! I don’t do this for selfish reasons!  I do this to protect America!”

Now I have learned a few things due to this phenomenon

  • How to spell the word phenomenon (there is no i in case you were wondering)
  • Plaid is the most common boxer short for the pants up challenged
  • Silk boxers just make your pants slide off – it’s not their fault (Skinny dudes are screwed cuz no belt in the world helps – at least that is what they tell me)
  • Some do it just cuz everyone else is doing it and heaven forbid their think for themselves
  • Some guys still stitch their name on their underwear but there are a lot of Calvin Klein’s in the world tho (bad reference to Back to the Future)
  • And finally, some do it for the original reason, they think they are still in jail and trying to find a new bunk mate

But whatever the reason, it drives me FREAKING INSANE! Yes, I hate to admit it. It is one of the only things that drive me up the wall. Can you say the word – unrespectful? (no i by the way)

But I think I have found the solution. But I will need help from all the ladies. So ladies, Pssst, here is the plan….

Granny Panties! Yep, Let’s drop our pants down or hike up those skirts in and show them Granny Panties! Lots flowers, or maybe big hearts, the guys like boxers with hearts so why not. But either way, I know the dudes will love us ladies even more. Hell if they think they are sexy showing us theirs, just wait till we show them ours.

So like Mr Pants Down above, let’s get everyone dropping them. Hell, why do we bother wearing them? Seems like we should just get these guys to wear buttless chaps and accomplish the same thing. But maybe it’s just me…

 

~~~~~~~~ Till we laugh again~~~~~~~

Bet You Thought I Forgot… T minus 24 days

OK, so I will have to come up with a plan. Cuz I’m still in my count down phase of a Laugh a Day and I almost missed today and I’m only on my second day of trying. (Stop laughing at me! – I know, I’m a slacker)

Hopefully yesterday everyone at least hummed Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer. Or at least thought about it.  (don’t know what i’m talking about? Obviously, someone hasn’t read yesterday’s post – off to the blog corner for you!)

Today, I will apologize in advance for not being at the top of my humor / sarcastic game. I will try and redeem myself tomorrow. But in order to comply with my own challenge I must supply at least one smile or laugh before I lay my head down to sleep. So, I thought I would share something I get to see every night before I go to bed. It is just one part of a ritual that goes on in my house. I’m going to save the whole ritual for a different day (since obviously I will need a lot of material to get me through 2012.      😉

But it always ends with someone ending up like this…..

          Now come on, you know it makes you smile!

 

~~~~~~~~~~ More tomorrow~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let the count down begin…

Hmm, so I suppose I should ride the laughter wave as I have it going. Should our souls be denied the humor it so craves until 1/1/2012? I say NO! I say we count down until our 365 days of laughter.

Day -25 – Yep negative 25 days to go.

And being that it is the holidays, and if you are like me, those Christmas songs everyone keeps playing are getting old already and we still have the rest of the month to go! (for some reason radio stations feel the need to stretch this out till New Years for some gosh awful reason.)

Soooo, for a good laugh, I think everyone should just sing “Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer” over and over all day long. At first people will sing or hum with you. But then after about the 387th time hearing you sing it, they will scream really loud, run out the room and swear off Holiday Jingles for the rest of the year. Ok, I tease, maybe not the rest of the year, but you might just get an hour or two reprieve. And honestly, every little bit helps.

Till negative day 24….

~~~~~~~GRANDMA GOT RAN OVER REINDEER….WALKING HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVE……

SING IT!   Do it!      Now!      Save the world!        Save your sanity!      Save my sanity! 

~~~~~~~NOW YOU MIGHT SAY THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SANTA, BUT AS FOR ME & GRANDPA WE BELIEVE…..

Laughter or/a Smile: Some days are harder than others

I have a motto in life, laugh every day. No matter how bad you feel, no matter how much the world sucks, without laughter you feel no hope. For laughter is hope in disguise.  But what about those days you feel no ray of hope?

Those are the most important days to find a smile no matter how small or how quick it goes by. For that brief moment of laughter is sometimes the glue that gets you through your day, reminds you that it will be ok.

I promise you have that moment even if you don’t recall when it happened. Maybe it was an ant trying to carry a load to big, maybe it was a little boy telling him mommy he was big enough to tie his own shoes, or maybe it was an older couple riding in on their Harley with Santa Hats on their Helmets and the white ball flapping around.

You may not remember the little smile or chuckle, but it was there. And it was in that moment that you felt alive and it might be ok. Your conscious might not remember it, but your subconscious does.

When I challenge you to smile each day, all I’m asking is for you try and consciously feel the warmth of the smile. Even for that brief moment. The hope it gives will last longer. And don’t we all deserve a little hope even in our darkest days?

~~~~

(Wow, and not one sarcastic moment in that! – Whoops! till I typed that.  LOL  – oh well, guess I was just trying to give you your one brief moment of laughter – Cuz you know you just smiled!)  

 

Committing to 365 Days of Laughing – Will You Join Me?

As 2011 comes to a close, I’ve begun thinking about what my 2012 New Year’s Resolution will be.

I don’t drink or smoke so giving those up would make me an instant winner in the “did she keep her resolution” game. Gold star for me already! I rock!

I could always do the old standby of losing weight. But let’s face it – in a few weeks in I’d want a Coke & a scoop of ice cream. Who am I kidding; I’ll cave to both of those in less than 24 hours.

I could be determined to be less of a procrastinator – but I’d just put it off.

Then I thought, hey, I could be less sarcastic to those I love – but then I realized that was like asking me not to breathe. Besides, my family and friends hardly hear from me now, if I stopped being sarcastic with them, they’d never hear from me.

So I have decided to share with you my wonderful readers the one thing that keeps me going each and every day. Laughter. You see, I have committed to laughing every day no matter what. So my New Year’s Resolution will be sharing one thing each day of the year that made me laugh or I found funny.

I’d love it, if after you read my daily laugh, you would maybe leave a post or comment on one thing that made you laugh or smile that day. Let’s dedicate 2012 to making each other smile a little more in this fucked up world.   🙂

(Yeah, that whole giving up swearing resolution obviously wasn’t going to work either)

So hear is to more laughter in all our lives in 2012~

Drats, I just realized next year is leap year, now I’ll have to stretch my self to come up with 366!  LOL……..

 

~~~ Till We Laugh Again~~~  PS. Don’t forget to follow on Facebook for even more smiles and laughs!   Fan Page: Laughing At Everyday Life

 

Where Have I Been oh blog of mine…

So, I realized I stopped my blogging a year ago. Why? Did I lose my sarcastic touch? Did the world finally start to make sense? Did all the odd quirks people possess all of a sudden no longer drive me bonkers?

Oh hell no….

Ok, truth be told, I realized that I might have worried people were taking me much meaner than what I really was. See, my thoughts are not from a mean place, they are from a sarcastic place. You know, those thoughts that cross your mind yet most of you are too afraid to say out loud. Us sarcastic folks, we just say it with a smile. Makes it easier to swallow. Either that our we just hope it goes over most of your heads.  LOL.

Well, I’ve decided to dust off my blog and bring my sarcastic self back out of hiding. I am who I am. I am a loving person with a sharp wit. My curse. So no matter how much I love you or others, sarcasm runs through my veins. I must release these thoughts and share with the world.

I promise to say what you wish you could, you know you will chuckle at least once if not twice. It’s ok. We are both cursed.

So on this Thanksgiving Day I am thankful for many things. One of which is my sense of humor, sarcasm and all. Life throws at us too much crap, so my theory is, laugh at life! Humor is all we have and dammit! Laughing feels good! Just do it! You know you want to!

So as you lay your head down to sleep, think of one funny sarcastic think you which you could have said today. Go ahead, I’ll wait……………

Two hours later…… Yea, some of you need lessons. You suck at this sarcasm game…….

Ok, I’m tired, more sarcasm later…. I hope you all had a great Turkey Day… Cuz I’m pretty sure it sucked for the Turkey….