Sunday Funnies ~ Edition 19

 

Sunday Funnies!!

Yep, that time of the week where I share some of the funny things I found on Facebook or Google

Enjoy!

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Yep, been that kind of a week.  LOL

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Please don’t go anywhere, I’ll squeeze you in shortly

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You were robbed!

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It’s faster if you open it first

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Sorry, this one just cracked me up!

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I love these trucks..so creative

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Another one that had me rolling!

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And some of you are way more experienced than I

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This explains what happened!

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This is he #1 reason I never get to take a nap!

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Don’t worry, we already know who you are

ūüôā

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You are in luck, the Moran bus is about to take off

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Have a great Sunday Everyone!!!

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~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

Sunday Funnies ~ Edition 18

Sunday Funnies Time!!

Everyone’s favorite post when I show some of the funny things I found on Facebook and Google this week

Hope you like them!

It all makes sense now!

You never know where inspiration comes from

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Being the Queen of Stick Figures, I LOVE this!

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My mom always hid her Nestle’s Quick

And we always knew where it was…LOL

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Damn! I hate when it doesn’t stick right!

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Go with the Blue, It matches your eyes

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Always one in the crowd

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Yep, it’s how I keep my sanity

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Hey, we all have to be remembered for something

LOL

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Yes, it takes all the fun out of it for me…Sigh

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Ain’t that the truth! ¬†LOL

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I can hear it now..

“Hey, look someone’s walking Naked down the street!”

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This one is for my sister who thinks I’m Crazy

I’m just misunderstood!¬†

ūüėÄ

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Have a great Sunday everyone!

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~~~till we laugh again ~~~

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View Previous Sunday Funnies by clicking —>> HERE

Sunday Funnies ~ Edition 16

Sunday Time! Yep, that time of the week I share the funny things I found via Google or Facebook

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I’m pretty sure my mom & Cindy T would agree with this one!¬†

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And each day getting stronger! ¬†ūüėÄ

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I sneeze a lot. I’m sure those around me always think this. I notice how much more sarcastic the 3rd bless you sounds. ¬†LOL

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Even more fun is to point at them and laugh

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I want this sign for my office

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This alone will have the guys clicking the “like” button

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Nahhh, not at all

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It’s wrong, but this one made me laugh

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I hate when a snail knocks me over

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And it stung too!

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Chickens are 100% behind us laughing each day

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Cracks me up!

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And PROUD of IT!!

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Have an awesome Sunday everyone!!

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~~~till we laugh again~~~

Sunday Funnies ~ Edition 15

Sunday Funnies!

Where I share some of the funny stuff I came across on Facebook or Google this past week. 

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One of my Favorite things to do!

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Actually, not punching them, but maybe poking them in the eye

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And you put it on the tray for them

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Either the dog is dead or he is one good pooch

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Oh hell, the way they love me, I’d be one skinny bitch ¬†

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They funny thing is…some folks still wont get this

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Raise your hand if you sang it?

Me!!!!

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I don’t know if I should laugh or feel sorry for the poor little guy

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Problem solved, find others that are as cracked as you!

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Oh you know you do it too!

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Ok, my favorite for the week

My sisters know it’s true

Have a great Sunday!!

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~~~till we laugh again~~~

Our Goofy Stats We Obsesses Over

Like most of you, I tend to check out my stats a few times a day.

Why do we do it? We love the love of course!

We want to know that someone out there in the world is looking at the very important things we want to say. Sometimes we want them to think we are funny, sometimes we want them to look at the cool pictures we took, and sometimes we hope that something we say will help another human being. Or at least their cat. We have a lot of people who like cats and kittens on here.

The point is, stats are like crack to bloggers. We want that sh*t. And we want it now!

It starts off all noble… I blog for me. ¬†Then we get that first hit. We smile. Then the fourth and fifth roll in a few days later. We swear it is our family & friends. After all it looks like we 100+ followers but we secretly know it is our Facebook group. But hey, they are gonna follow whether they want to or not!¬†

Soon we are up to almost 15 hits a day!! We are checking in every hour now to see if we got a new one.

Our new goal is to get up to 25. I know I can do it! 

When we do hit that 25, it isn’t enough. We want 50. Oh we can’t wait to hit that 100 a day. We know we will just pee our pants.

So now we are checking every 15-20 minutes. We sneak a peek on our computer at work, or log in on our phone if we aren’t home. I know these people are going to love me! They just don’t know it yet!¬†

Depression starts to set in. Why don’t they love me? Why aren’t they coming? We are sad. ¬†ūüôĀ

Sure we love our 22 people who actually “visit” that day (although I think 5 were trollers, 6 only showed up because I used the word butt crack, and the other 11 are the true readers). But dang it! I’m counting them all!

OMG!!!! Someone loves me! I just got my first Award!! You do the Snoopy dance and tell everyone that one of your 32 visitors yesterday loved you…. Oh wait, that is a post for another day….But you get the point of the journey….

Then one day we write a post about something that maybe wasn’t that spectacular but hey, we needed something to put that day and we had writers block. So we right about how the dog poo in the backyard is piling up and your brother tripped and fell face first into a warm pile of…well you get point.

Then one morning we wake up and we jump from 72 hits to 514!!! What the heck!! Did I get freshly pressed and didn’t know it???? I know it has to be about when I wrote how I hated Peas. Everyone hates peas. It has to be that one that got freshly pressed. I know just it!

 

So you check your comments real quick expecting them to be off the chart. Hmm, only two this morning and none about the gross smell of peas. ¬†Wow, these freshly pressed people don’t seem to leave a lot of feedback. So you head over to the freshly pressed page and look everywhere. No where are you to be found. Hmm, you scratch your head.

So you head back over to your stat page (after all you never close that tab since you look every 10 min or so now). ¬†What post is so popular? It has to be about the Butt Crack. Afterall it is my most viewed post. It gets half my views everyday. Man these people are obsessed with butt crack. Personally I think it was the picture I used. Oh, it could have been the Girl Scout one where she set the house on fire….

But no, not them. What on earth caused me to jump from 72 to 514 over night? The Love Keeps a Coming. That post??? The one I wrote on a bunch of blogging love I had received? That is the gift that keeps a giving? I wrote that days ago… (actually way back in June).

My point is this……..And I do have one…….

We all go through this crazy obsession with our stats. But let me tell ya something. It takes one post to show you the reality is to just write and they will come. I literally was getting about 400 – 600 hits a day in June and July. Eighty – yes 80% of which was for one post. This love one I did. Turns out I used like every blogging award picture under the sun and for some reason it links folks to my site a lot.

Trust me, it doesn’t gain you readers. Then again, I wish it was the one I wrote about not liking peas. ¬†That one is one of my favorites. (hate those little suckers!) But instead these tons of readers are directed to one of my least funny posts. They never stick around long enough to check out the other great stuff (if I do say so myself) that occasionally gets put on here.

Watching these hits now amuse me as it fluctuates so much. It is like people only want to know about love for a few days then it overwhelms them and they take a few days off. See…

That roller coaster of readers is due to 3-4 posts that people find due to a picture I put in it. Cracks me up. I have learned that I still do check my stats often. But the reality is, it is the comments I treasure the most. Sure I love when you click the like button (ah, hmm, hint hint don’t forget to click when you finish – shameless I know) but the comments show me you stuck around and actually read it. (or at least skimmed the good parts).

So, next time you start to obsess over your WordPress stats. STOP! Just be you, just visit other blogs, be sincere, be you. If your blog is meant for greatness it will happen when it is supposed to.

If you are lucky, one day you will write a post about how Whack Butt Crack is and you will have a spike too. Or at least use this picture. They love it!

 

Oh who am I kidding. This post isn’t going to get you to stop obsessing over your stats! So obsess away! Go crazy, go nuts! But don’t come crying to me when you face plant from 692 (my high) all the way down to 115 which it did a few days later. You have been warned.

And if you would like to check out any of the posts I shamelessly mention through out this post just click on the links to the left. I think it says what people are check out now. Or use the search tool.

OHHHH, except the peas. It never gets there. But here it is. I really do hate those round balls of puke! ¬† ¬†PEAS My Mother’s Favorite Torture Tool

Please read as many as you can. I really need to get my stats back up!   

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

Sunday Funnies ~ 14th Edition

Sunday Funnies Time!!

Where I share some of the funny things I’ve found on Google or Facebook this week.

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Yep, just show them you are proud!

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You have been warned!

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This just makes me laugh

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I bet a few of you have done it to yourself too

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Yep, you picked the short straw

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Even better, buy a tombstone and lean it against the wall

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You just aren’t listening! ¬†ūüėõ

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That’s what I’ve been doing wrong! He’s always in there!

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LOL… this was just cute

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Hmmm, was that sarcastic?

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Yep, that’s it… well that and the darn donkey in the fridge all the time!

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I saw how you were looking at Donald..

Yes you..

The one over there..

The one with the shit eating grin. 

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Oh stop! You know you all do it!

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Have a great Sunday everyone!!

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~~~till we laugh again~~~

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I Wonder if Sarcasm Can Be a Full Time Job

As you know, I’m looking to discover what I should be when I grow up.

They always say you should look at what you are most talented at or what you love to do. As I have built my list one item stands out that I’m wondering how can I make money from it. I love the sarcastic thoughts that come into my head.

There was a time when most of them came out my mouth, but life has taught me to keep them inside. Sometimes I’m cracking up and people don’t realize it’s from the thoughts dying to sneak out my mouth.

I can’t tell you how many times someone is telling about a conversation that just begged for a witty comeback and when I ask what they said in response, they just shrug and say “nothing”. OMG! You are killing me!¬†These fools ¬†just set you up and you didn’t take the no brainer comeback??

Or I’ll say, did you say… XXX and they will go “No, I didn’t think of that.”

So maybe I can make money with the Sarcastic Hotline.

 

Right when someone needs that good comeback, they tell the person “one sec” then they give us a quick call and my team and I can offer them great sarcastic responses for $3.99 a minute.

Hmm, this might have potential.

 

I might have to think this through. Surely with all the stupid things that get said, this can be a full-time gig. I can make tons of money!

To all my sarcastic brothers and sisters out there. Let’s think of how we can put this extreme talent we have to good use. After all, shouldn’t we use our special powers for good vs for evil?

Oh, and to those that think I’m serious…..Thus lies our problem……

<<<insert sarcastic comment here>>>

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~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

 

Sunday Funnies ~ Edition 12

Sunday Funnies Time!

Where each week I share some of the funny things I’ve come across on Facebook or Google

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Another Great Use for Our Ducky Friends

This just cracks me up

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Why is it someone you know popped in your head when you read this?

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This would be so awesome if it delivered too

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Guilty as charged!

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We all need to practice safe sex

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If he flushes, don’t be in the car behind him

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Imagine the look of surprise on your face when you open your eyes after the big note

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Love this one! Too cute

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This was my favorite of the week

but…

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This one wins!

Cracks me up!!

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Have a great Sunday Everyone!!!!

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~~~till we laugh again~~~

Sunday Funnies ~ 10th Edition

Yahoo! Sunday Funnies Time!

You know you are excited!

Each Sunday I share some of the fun stuff I came across on Google or Facebook.

Hope you like them!

We all have at least one in our life

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Bet you wish you had a $1 each time this has happened

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Oh yea!

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Wouldn’t it be great to say this?

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Yep, only animals and aliens

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Yep, I keep telling them that.. LOL

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That’s Right Baby!!¬†

That’s how I roll!

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I was guilty as charged

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I still have 42 text messages ahead of you

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I do this for you! So you can see me

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And now for my personal favorite for the week…

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OMG this cracks me up!!!!

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Hope you like them! Have a great day!!

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~~~till we laugh again~~~

The Old Man and His Red Wagon

Ever have one of those 24 hour periods where you just know the world has gone crazy? 

Maybe it’s me who has gone crazy and the rest of the world is sane.

I’m just projecting my internal cuckoo clock on others.

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In the past 24 hours I’ve been running in to crazy, stupid and a combination of both. I know the moon has been full and the thunderstorms drive some mad. Throw in some heat and firework kabooms and you have a good mixture of nut job juice.

I don’t have time to write about them all, let’s just say there is quite a few. But I want to share at least this one.

 

The Old Man & the Red Wagon

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So a few months ago an older gentleman came into the store and asked if he could leave his vacuum with us until he could return and pick it up.

Yes, you just read that right. ¬†As it is common for someone to be traveling down the road with a vacuum, then stop in an ice cream store to park it until he could find a ride. . Being the nice person I am and after realizing that he meant no harm, but seemed to be just be “out of it” a wee bit, I agreed. We placed it in the corner and as promised, her returned an hour later to pick it up.

Picture last night around 5pmish. We are busy since we are the only crazy ones open in town and they cancelled the town’s festivities due to the earlier rain. In walks our vacuum friend asking if he can leave some “boxes” for an hour or two until he could return. Only this time, his hand is bleeding as well. My employee calls me over to make this executive decision.

We step outside so I could “investigate” these boxes and determine if I should can help him. Turns out they aren’t boxes, but rather kitchen trash cans. Not one, but two.

He stated he was trying to take them home but he fell off his bike (hence why his hand was bleeding Рby the way, he declined our offer of a band-aid). He just wanted to know if we would watch them until he found a ride or could return with his wagon.

Now, please realize these weren’t clean trash cans. No, they had dirty trash bags and stuff hiding under a pillow of some sort. I know there is no way I can have them inside my lobby and he even realizes this. I offer to let him keep them off to the side up front but he doesn’t feel comfortable and asks about the side of the building. But as he is doing this, he is announcing rather loudly (unintentionally) that he is worried someone will steal his valuables inside. At this point you can only imagine my imagination wondering what these “valuables” were.

But here lies my next problem. He is saying this loud enough for all these kids (some are local punks) outside to hear. And I just know the minute he walks off, the promise of riches inside these cans will take over and they will be jacked before he gets around the corner.

Being the nice person I am once again, and once again knowing how honest he seems to be, (and the fact that the deck is missing a card or two) I tell him to bring them around back and I’ll put them just inside my door until he returns.

These cans are extremely heavy. So now I’m really curious as to the “valuable” things inside. We place them inside and he begins to rummage through them as if he is taking a mental picture and creating an inventory list of the contents.

Under the old kid pillow were a bunch of books and bottles of old beer. Yep, his valuable haul was for a quiet evening drinking and reading. He must have noticed the look on my face (actually I’m holding back giggles) and starts to tell me someone gave them to him. ¬†Yes, because people always give an older man on a bicycle two loaded kitchen trash cans of books and beer to ride home miles away. Happens all the time…..

I smile and say that was nice of them (can you say dumpster diving?) I let him know I will be there for a few more hours and just come to the front when he gets back. He then tells me how he will be lucky to find a ride since he is sure his neighbors are all drunk.  LOL.

I let him know that if he can’t get back in time, I’ll just place them out back for him. He reassured me he will be back shortly (Panicked I’m sure that I will help myself to the stash).

As promised, a little while later he returns with…. Yep, his red wagon.

I tell him I’ll meet him out back and when I open the door I notice his hands are behind his back. Red wagon at his side. Odd, but ok.

Then he asks…“There are three of you here right now right?” ….

Me..“Excuse me?” ¬†as now I realize I might have a crazy man at my backdoor deciding if he has at least 3 bullets in his gun. ¬†Or even a tougher question, can he take out three girls at his spry 78 years of youth.

He repeats the question and I say yes. He then pulls his hands from behind his back (me ready to trip him if needed) and with a big smile…he presents me with 3 melting Hershey’s Chocolate bars.

Stop laughing……

Ok, to make a long story short (Too late) I take the chocolate (I can’t be a rude hostess) and offer to help him with his precious cargo. He takes the first one, then pulls the pillow off to “show me” what he has (More like check off his inventory list to see if the ice cream lady snagged a beer or book or both).

He then proceeds to tell me how this neighbor was drunk and couldn’t drive him and the other neighbor had a few business calls to return (on the 4th of July at 7pm) and it might be awhile before he could take him. So my new friend went to his other neighbor to borrow the red wagon. And here he is now was as promised, dragging his wagon the 7 miles from where he lives.

This man is definitely entertaining.

I can hear them needing me upfront but I hate rushing my new friend but alas I must bring this fun to an end. I watch as he loads his treasure chests on his red radio flyer and heads off into the sunset.

I picture him curling up with one of the school textbooks (yes, that’s what the two I saw were) and the beer I had¬†never have heard of before and settling in for night of fireworks and light reading.

This is 100% true and no embellishing was needed. This is just one of many strange things to happen to me in the past 24 hours. But I promise, none were as entertaining as my new friend with the red wagon.

I can only imagine what the next 24 hours might have in store. Life is full of moments that make us smile or laugh. (Even when we want to strangle the stupid people)

~~~till we laugh again~~

I’ve Been Graffitied

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Ok, so I’ve been tagged.

I guess that means I’ve been graffitied.¬†

I hope it was at least with nice colors and no mention of ¬†how I’m a #$%&

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Yes, Jules at The J85 felt it necessary to defile my wall. Yep, someone went on her turf and tagged her, so she retaliated and tagged mine.

I never thought I’d say this to someone who graffitied me, but thank you. ¬† ūüėÄ

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Ok, now to those going what they hell is Tammy talking about this time?

There is a little game of tag that gets played on WordPress to help people learn more about you and for you to share that love. Some folks ignore it as if they were a passer-by and some random kid touched them (tag Mr/Miss you’re it!) and other’s embrace the fun and pass it along. I’ve decided to play and share my answers. I promise you will not regret reading further (ok, one or two might, but I can’t never please them all – LOL)

Also, make sure to see my questions I will be asking, you all will wish you were picked for these!

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Here is how it works, I answer her questions, then create my own and pass it along. To those I tag, I promise to touch lightly and not slap any of you upside your head (unless you deserve it!)

Here are Jules’ questions:

1. Where do you live and why?

I live in our Non~Normal & Proud of it! Clubhouse. Why? someone locked me in. Besides, it’s my clubhouse and I don’t want anyone to steal it. Some folks have sticky fingers (if you know what I mean)

2. If you could get everyone you know to read just ONE book, what would you want that book to be? Why?

The Cat in the Hat ….Why? A) it would mean we all could read…B) The Cat¬†definitely represents us non~normals, after all, I don’t see too many cats wearing a hat that big. Sure, smaller ones, but that hat is just so tall for gosh sake….

3. What is your worst bad habit?

Typing LOL…..Yep LOL…. I drive some of you nuts with it. But I don’t care! ¬†LOLLLLLLL ¬†Evil laugh time…. ¬†Listen, when I type LOL you can guarantee that I was chuckling at the time I wrote it. ¬†Besides, typing (smile) or ha ha seems so 2000.¬†

4. If you could have any job you wanted (provided with training and/or skills necessary), what would it be?

I’ve been trying to figure this out for years! I have never known what I want to be when I grew up and it has driven me mad trying to figure it out. My family and friends say I should have been a¬†psychiatrist¬†since I think I can analyze people so much. ¬†LOL. ¬†Hmm, not sure how much sarcasm they have in that suggestion tho…..

5. What is something you regret passing up when you had the chance? If nothing, what is something you wish you HAD passed up?

I try to not live my life with regrets. But the smart ass in my would say something like saying no to anything I really wanted but didn’t want to seem like a pig…LOL.

The serious me would say, that I never finished getting my degree. Seems like people think the piece of paper is way more important than the real life knowledge / experience. 

6. What, in your opinion, is your greatest accomplishment to date? (YOUR OPINION, doesn’t have to be anything others may not consider as difficult to do as you found/find it to be.)

That I have almost reached the half way mark of a post a day in 2012 and I haven’t blown it yet! ¬† ūüėÄ
7. Do you typically write your posts all in one sitting, in bits and pieces over the course of the day, in your head before typing, or as ongoing works over a period of time?

Being the procrastinator I am, I do each day fresh. Beating myself up for forgetting the awesome thing I should have captured earlier that would have been wayyyyyy funnier.  That is why some days are hit, some misses, but each one is fresh off my confused and crazy mind. 

8. If you were handed a piece of paper and drawing utensils right now (and talent, if necessary…as it is with me) and told to draw whatever you wanted, what would you draw? Any specific reason?

A stick figure. I make mean stick figures. Ok, not mean as in mad. I have no artistic ability. My Draw Something friends get stuck with a lot of one color stick figures. Why? My sister is the artist in the family. She sucked all mine out. 

9. What is your favorite day of the week? Why?

They all blend together for me. They are all special. Depending on which reality show I’m really into determines which day I can’t wait for. Ok, not really. But she was making me pick darn it!

10. What is something you do for yourself occasionally that you wish you would/could do more often?

Sleep..I wish I could sleep and/or rest. ….My brain is tired.¬†

11. If you HAD to get rid of something you use that is in the room with you right now, what would it be? How would you cope without it?

Techically this is question 16 & 17. Someone needs to teach Jules how to count. (just saying) .  LOL

The TV, after all it is the root of all evil in the world right now. I’d cope by balling up in the corner and crying like a baby for at least a week.

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Dang, I need a nap now. That is way too much work this early in the morning……then again it didn’t help that Jules asked a bunch of “thinking” questions. What was with all the “WHY” parts. I think she just wanted to torture me.

Ok, I’m going to cheat on this next part. I’m running out of time. (Obviously spending too much time on questions)

If you want to play, I’ll stick my hand out, and you can tag yourself . Just don’t embarrass me too much on where you let me tag you. I do try to keep this PG-13 after all.

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Here are my 11 questions if you want to play!  

  1. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
  2. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
  3. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
  4. How come, at a wedding, the bride doesn’t marry the best man?
  5. Why does Bugs Bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but he puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?
  6. IF you had everything, where would you put it?
  7. How come we choose from just two people for president and fifty for Miss America?
  8. Do cemetery workers always the graveyard shift?
  9. Why haven’t we come up with something better than sliced bread in the last 80 years?
  10. If there’s an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
  11. If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

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Have fun on those questions!!!! ¬†I’ll see ya later!!! ¬† ūüėÄ

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~~~Till we laugh again~~~

Spelling Is SOOOO Overrated!

Ok, I’ve been one of the lucky ones. I have yet to be attacked by any of the Vocabulary/Spelling Police.

I’m not saying I never will (knock on wood) but maybe I’m just lucking out due to being so darn funny!

(I barely could say that with a straight face!) 

I’m not saying I’m really bad, but I do mess up. I have lots of excuses, I mean reasons.

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  • I could blame it on genetics…. that whole apple not falling far from the tree stuff
    • But that would be an easy cop-out and unfair
    • Besides, one of my sisters has already taken that one

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  • I could blame it on spell check…. God only knows how much I LOVE my red squiggly line! They are so pretty
    • But being that I’m 46, the spell checker can only account for my bad spelling the past 15 – 20 years if I’m lucky
    • But I will say, it sure hasn’t helped it any!

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  • I could blame it on the dictionary…how many times have we heard this…“Look it up in the dictionary!”
    • I’m still trying to find phone under the “F”s
    • And Psycho under the “S”s
    • I’m just saying……

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  • I could blame it on how lazy we are as a country
    • I’m pretty sure having 26 letters in the alphabet allows for a¬†gazillion (just saw a red squiggly by the way) …a gazillion combination of letters to create new words
    • Is there a reason we have so many words that sound the same but are spelled differently?
      • Do we really need – there, their, and they’re?
        • Even when offering sympathy we can’t really go, there, their, they’re….

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  • I could blame it on my Honor’s Classes
    • Yes, I’ll admit it. I was an Honor’s student my whole 18 years.
      • GATE, MGM, HONOR’s, whatever the name was in each district or level, I had them
    • Or as I like to think of it, I was the stupidest smart kid in my class
      • Why? I really hate studying
    • In Honors they taught me how to read. Not spell. Sorry, it’s true.
      • Probably why I hate reading so much as well now that I think about it.

Yes, I could blame it on all of the items above. But the reality is, it probably is a combination of it all. Plus sprinkle in the fact that I am just not¬†fascinated with words and language like some folks. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good Scrabble or Words for Friends game. But my reality is, I read so fast my mind knows what it is Suppose to be reading and not necessarily what was typed or hand written.

I bet most of you do too.

Read this….

Ok, by a show of hands…

How many of your read – A Bird in the Bush?

Now, how many of you read A Bird in the the Bush?

Some of you are still reading the same….I’ll wait for those folks to catch on…..

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OK, I’m out of time. My point is this….

Sorry I’m not a great speller, but let’s face it, in some cases (not all) spelling might be a little over rated.

Oh yea, and please Spelling Police…..Don’t attack me! ¬†

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This is a humor blog……I was trying to be funny….

Plus I fixed all my read red squiggly lines!

LOL

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~~~till we laugh again~~~