Have a 6 year old Tell You A Joke





Have you ever had an under 6 year old tell you a joke?

It goes something like this…

Why did the chicken drive up the street?  Uh Why?   Cuz his car was in the garage.    huhhhhh???

Then they fall on the floor laughing their butt off.

Their jokes consist of one half – part of a joke they heard and one half – mix in new parts. Then when they can’t recall the punchline they make one up on the fly. And normally it has nothing to do with the original part of the joke. But to them, it is the funniest thing they have ever heard.

Or worse, try doing a knock knock joke.

Knock KnockWho’s there?…. (looking around the room) ahh Couch….. Couch who?……Couch is in the front room!

Ahhh haaa haaaa and they are on floor rolling again…

And we start laughing or smiling as we are left scratching our head because while the joke was so bad, they make us smile because they think they just won Last Comic Standing.

So your mission is to find a laugh in the next 24 hours by asking a kid under age 6 to tell you a joke. The joke may not be funny, but the experience sure will!

 

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

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Why Do You Try My Patience?

Do you ever wonder if you have a big neon sign over your head saying “Try My Patience”?

I’m a pretty easy going individual and try not to let such a silly emotion like Anger rule my world. It’s such a useless emotion that solves nothing. But just because I choose to let most things roll off my back like a duck, doesn’t mean it is a sign of weakness like some people tend to take it for. It just means I refuse to cave into letting you piss me off.   😀

You see, anger is about letting you have power over me and no one has power over me. I have a saying…

     NEVER GIVE SOMEONE ELSE POWER OVER YOU, IT IS YOUR SUPERPOWER AND NOT THEIRS!

 

Now, what does this rant have to do with humor?  Easily, watching you think you can tick me off is hilarious! Besides, this is a sarcasm site, not just a drop on the floor with a belly ache ha ha site.

Now, I had a point to this rambling when I started, what the heck was it….. (Que the Jeopardy theme song…)

Oh yea, I remember now.  That neon sign over my head – Try My Patience.

Today has been a day when people are pushing my buttons. But anger I refuse to give in to! Now, if you say, give into my frustration? Sign me up. I get frustrated a lot. I don’t yell though. I rub my eyes, scratch my head and just go “Why???” In my head I go “What the heck are you thinking!!!”

Now I could go on and on on about this, but I’m not. I just wanted to vent so I didn’t do pretend physical harm to someone. You know the pretend stuff where you are in a cartoon and like Wile E Coyote you can drop them off a cliff and they don’t die or get hurt. Maybe smash their head into the foam fake wall. Or maybe even hit the secret trap door that sends them into the depths of the earth. Well, you get the point.

I feel better now. Thank you my wordpress/facebook/twitter readers. All is good in my world again.

At least until I come into contact with another human being.

~~~~till we laugh again~~~~

I Don’t Do Phone

Every Christmas a tradition goes on in many homes across the world – Pass the Phone Around.

Now, I’ve never been a fan of this particular tradition. It has always been a form of torture for me. I’m not sure if bamboo under the nails is worse. Tho I assume it has to be so I just do “phone” when required to be a good daughter or friend. (Although I failed miserably yesterday)

You see, I DON”T DO PHONE! Maybe you have someone in your family like me. My nephew is grooming to join my club.

Here is the issue. I hate talking on the phone. Period. I hate holding the phone to my head, I hate the talking. I hate the small talk. I hate being on hold. I hate everything about it. Those close to me know this. It took many years for them to accept it.

I feel worse for my mom as she probably has been hurt the most by this quirk of mine.(Although she does get at least one good call a week and sometimes I actually listen too). I have another family member that builds up her “7 minutes” of talk time that I must use each month.

Yea, I admit it, I have a bad memory on my calls. I’ve been known to hang up then be asked what did you two talk about? I’ll have a blank stare and honest to god I can not recall what we discussed. I know, I suck. I’m bad. I’m a terrible daughter, friend, co-worker, you name it. I accept my loserhood. I know a big part of this particular issue is my failure to not multi-task while talking. But just sitting or standing there listening to someone is like hitting me over the head with a 2 x 4.

Oh and don’t put me on hold. I will hang up. It’s nothing personal, I don’t do “phone” so I sure the heck don’t do “hold”. I’ve had several awesome administrative assistants in my time and one of the first things I told them is I hate being put on hold. I’m ok with you putting me on hold to take care of customers, employees or emergencies. But when I’m not there when you come back, don’t take it personal, just call me back. They all understood and accepted my deficency in this area.

Currently I’m trying to reach out to one of my sisters but we have a communication gap. She prefers phone, I prefer text, email, carrier pigeon, anything but talking on the phone. She on the other hand never looks at facebook, her cell is lost in her purse or the cushions and I think she forgot her email password or the dog ate it. Oh well, I guess that carrier pigeon option is starting to look better.

Ok, I will admit that bluetooth and headphones has helped. Only a tiny bit. I no longer need to hold the phone to my ear but I still have that small talk problem or even worse, paying attention 100%.

As we move into a new year, I could pretend to have a new resolution to be better at this, but I’d so be lying. I’ve hated it for the past 40 years I’ll hate it for the next 40.

In parting I have one thing to say…… TEXT ME! I promise we can have a conversation in short messages. It will feel like we talked for hours.

And if you love me… Please, please, please … Don’t make me do phone!   😀

 

~~~~~~till we laugh again~~~~~~~~~~

Y B Normal?

Most of my life people have thought I was a little odd. To them, I say – AND PROUD OF IT!   😀

Let’s face it, normal sucks. I like to embrace my uniqueness. Granted, I’m not as unique as some but unique in my own way. But isn’t that the way it is suppose to be?

If having no sense of humor is normal I don’t want anything to do with it. Not being able to laugh for no reason? Count me out. I want to laugh just cuz I found it freaking funny. No matter how stupid it may seem to you.

Acting a goofball out of the blue? Yep, I’m in. Dancing with a stuffed animal and pretending it is talking to me? You got it. Making funny voices when I talk to you? Oh yea.

Feeling as if the world has it out for me? NO WAY! I refuse to give in to the bad stuff that happens. I like my view on life. I refuse to be “normal” and be a chicken little like many others. I see the glass half full dang it! And it is, even if there is only a drop left in the darn thing.

So if you want to be “normal” and feel sorry for yourself, if you want to be “normal” and never laugh, if you want to be “normal” and act all mature and grown up 24/7 then have fun. If you want to miss all the funny stuff that happens during a day. You want to repress those urges to just let go – Then you be normal. Normal sucks.

I have a saying

      Be mature but remain a kid at heart…

 

So don’t be normal… Laugh and don’t worry what other people think. It’s their depressed life and weird hang ups. Be you. The world would be a much better place if it would just embrace everyone’s “weirdness”…

And whatever you do, please let your kids be who they are, life sucks enough without you trying to make them “normal”…

Try Hiding in a Big Pink Truck

Those that know me, know I own an ice cream store. As part of this, I converted my 2000 Ford 150 into a rolling billboard. First off, I LOVE my truck. Our first 8 years together it was a nice blend into any situation grey color. No one could pick me out of a line up. Then two years ago my veil of anonymity disappeared overnight.

Do you know how hard it is to blend in with a big bright pink truck with giant ice cream all over it?

Thank god I was never one to flip off people or swear at others. I also live in a small town doubling the fun of hiding. When driving, I tend to forget the outside  exterior as the inside is just as cozy and comforting as it was the day I bought it 11 years ago. I’ll be sitting at a light wondering why the people in the cars next to me are staring at me. The natural reaction we as drivers have is to yell out “What you looking at?” or “What’s your problem?”.  But as I stated earlier, thank god I’m not the confrontational type of driver. No road rage incidents in my future.

Now, with that said, let me tell you about an incident yesterday that proved to be one of my “laughter moments”.

Yesterday I had a few errands to run and afterwards I stopped at the Subway around the corner on my way into my store. As I left the sandwich shop and was about to hop in my truck, I heard a woman’s voice yell out “So you are the one driving me nuts today!” My first instinct was to say WTF but being the non confrontational person I am, I slowly turn and see a woman in the truck next to me with her window cracked. I smile and say “Excuse me?” with a quizzical smile on my face.

The older woman smiles back and says – “You taunted me at the Drs office, now you are taunting me now.”  For a brief moment I arch my eyebrow only to realize she was pointing at my truck. She continues on… “That big ice cream Sundae looks so good! but I’m trying to be good.”

Now, if you noticed in the picture above, my nice pink truck has a giant Oreo Sundae on it. And let me tell ya, it does look good.

Needless to say, I left with a smile and chuckled all the way around the shopping center to my store.

This was a classic example of what I mean by embracing the little moments of laughter we have in our daily life.

As for the Pink Truck… I miss my gray truck and our quiet moments together, but the pink has grown on me (trust me – I’m not a “pink” kinda girl). I definitely have loved the smiles it brings to others. Especially the kids.

Yep! I’m Laughing at You

Let’s face it, we all do it. We all lie about it. And we might as well come clean.There is no shame.

A friend was telling me how she scuffed up her knees when she went flying when trying to out run someone. I pictured her getting her top half too far ahead of her feet and then gravity took it from there. Face plant.  (LOL – sorry, laughing just picturing it again – arms out, rolling around a few times, maybe a somersault or two). I told her I have been there so many times (I’m the family klutz). Even when we are the ones falling, we can’t help but laugh through the pain. Many a time I just sat there laughing my butt off thinking of the site I must have made.

Those around us want to bust a gut but we yell at  them that they better not laugh at us. So while there is genuine concern, the belly ache is just dying to be released. You can laugh and care at the same time. It’s freaking funny.

Slap stick has been a staple of our comedy for years. We love for people to fall down, bang into walls, hit someone over the head. Yet for some reason, we let those embarrassing moments cause us to scream “Are you laughing at me?” and we sheepishly go “No, not at all”   (even though our soda that just shot out our nose gave us away).

One day I was making a large drink for someone and knocked it over, spilling it all down my shirt and leg. I was so ticked off (and cold as it was a frozen drink) and we were busy and it made this huge mess. The guy I was working with just looked at me ready to die laughing but thought it might be safer for him to just look away. I looked at him and said “It’s ok, if it wasn’t me I’d be dying too.”

So I say in 2012 as part of our laugh a day, we embrace our truth. Yes! I am laughing at you. I”m sorry you got hurt, but that shit was funny!

 

~~~~~~ till we laugh again~~~~~

Animal Russian Roulette or Animal Dodge Ball?

First off, I live in the middle of nowhere. Ok, not really nowhere because technically it is somewhere and I do know where I am. So the actual wording should be; I live out in the desert where most humans prefer the city or a small town. Think of it as making a right at the small town and then out 15 minutes past the “normal” people. My claim to those that make fun of me, is I at least get to see all the stars at night uninterrupted by the street lights or city lights. We need to go miles and miles to find a street light – SO there! Nanu Nanu!

Anyways, I did have a point to make on this post, now what was it….. Oh yea..

On that 15 minute drive to civilization I have noticed that Mother Nature thinks those of us foolish enough to live out there and have nothing to look at for our trek into town should at least be able to play a game as we drive in and out. ANIMAL DODGEBALL.

Now, before all the PETA fans and animal lovers go crazy, finish reading. I promise, it’s not us humans. It’s them!

I’m thinking the critters that live out in our way must get awful bored with no movie theaters or arcades or a decent donut place. So they just lie in wait and think of things to humor themselves with. And they have decided it is either so boring they take their chances with Russian Roulette or a dangerous game of Animal Dodge Ball. And it is so popular all the animals play.

I drive down this one road we call “I’m by the cow farm” (it’s really a cow farm that harnesses cow poo – yummy smell when 115 degrees out but that is another story for another day). While driving down this patch, listening to my music trying to avoid falling in the ditch — a flock, no a gaggle, no a bus load of black birds swoop down in front of my truck pulling up just as they are about to see why sometimes you are the windshield and sometimes you are the bug. And let me tell ya, some of those suckers think they are Tom Cruise in Top Gun. It really is like a scene out of Hitchcock’s The Birds.

Then, on the way to my dirt road late at night, the road is pitch black, yes pitch black. Trust me, I love taking new visitors down the road and killing my head lights to watch them scream like a teenage girl at a Justin Beiber concert. Anyways, as I drive, these jack rabbits, regular rabbits, Bugs Bunny, whoever they are; dash out in front of me narrowly getting across (Must be those lucky rabbit’s feet they bought at 7-11).  And during this mile stretch, this will repeat itself like 3-4 times like a wave at the baseball stadium (some nights they also struggle getting past the 2nd section of stubborn folks refusing to participate).

This post is too long now, so I can’t tell you about the wolf rush or the road runner rally. But maybe someday.

Just know, It’s not our fault that our houses are located in the middle of now where on their turf. They just need to get over it and live peacefully with our whirling cars driving through their backyards.  After all, it’s the American way to take over someone or something’s land.

 

~~~~~~~~ Till we laugh again~~~~~~~

PS, No birds,  rabbits, wolves, dogs, roadrunners, bees, strays, etc were harmed during this post. (at least not by me)

Sign Twirlers & Passion for the Job

We’ve all seen them, the kids they pay $10 an hour to stand on the corner swirling signs. Yep, they make that much, some pay even more. Unless of course they work for the place then they get minimum wage so if you feel the need to sign swirl, be an independent contractor!

Here in Arizona, these folks get to do this in 115 degree heat. When you pass them you want to give them some water. Makes you wonder if they have to pay for their own water out of that $10. Things that make you go hmmm… I keep waiting to drive by one day and see one lying flat out on the corner passed out from heat exhaustion. And I suppose in Montana they just freeze in place. As long as they don’t lick the light post they should be safe.

Or how about the poor folks at tax time that get to not only stand out in the heat but wear that cool statue of liberty costume? Now, you know you are jealous! Wishing you had that job.

How about the Entertainment value? They get so bored they start swirling that sign. Is it me or are they getting more daring with their tricks? Some can fling it in the air and catch it, some swing it behind their back, and some do a little dance. I’m always smiling or laughing at them. They are soooo cute and entertaining.

Then there are the ones that are so cool, you know the ones, in the hoodie, Ipod in their ears and attitude on their face. They look soooo excited by this high paying gig. And the poor things are so exhausted by this work, they they can’t even hold up the sign, they just lay it across their shins letting it point into the road. (I’m pretty sure the businesses isn’t located in the middle of the intersection)

But there is one problem. I usually don’t have the foggiest idea what that sign says. Last time I checked, I was driving and being entertained by their movements, I never really pay attention to their sign. Plus, even if I wanted to I would be SOL (poop out of Luck). When I would look, that is when the sign would not be over their head or behind the back, between the knees, or up their as… well you get the point.

So, my advice for those hiring these folks, while they definitely provide entertainment in some fashion for myself and the other drivers, for $10 – $15 an hour, you might want to see if you are getting what you pay for. I know I am…

 

~~~~~~~~ Till we laugh again~~~~~~~

I need a plan for my resolution…

Ok, as you know, I have committed to 365 (366) days of helping everyone laugh in 2012. I thought I’d start practicing this month to get in the groove. So far I’m on day T minus 16 and since I started at T minus 25 I’ve missed 2 days. Hmmm, my plan isn’t working to well.

But I have an excuse – I mean reason. Life. Yep, I’m blaming life. How dare it get in the way? How rude.

Then again, as everyone starts to decide on their New Years Resolutions, I guess my practice month shows a fatal flaw we all will have. Working in our daily life in to our Yearly goal.

Whether your goal is to lose weight, start working out more, eating healthier, stop smoking, not swearing, not hitting your brother, making your bed everyday, not settling for cheap toilet paper — well you get the point.  Whatever your resolution, it will require daily focus. And yet life will will get in the way and we can’t quit. Česky: Toaletní papír English: Toilet paper Es...

Now where was I going? Ah, the bathroom (hence the toilet paper commitment)….

 

Wait! that wasn’t it. My point is, we might fall off our resolution a day here and there but the important thing is, we hop back on that commitment train and keep riding until our last stop on December 31, 2012.  (Except those of you giving up smoking, you can’t restart on January 1, 2013 / Bed makers, you can stop and go back to being messy cuz if you kept it up for a year, you deserve a plaque!)

I’m just rambling (I know, what’s new)

I’m out of here, I have make my bed (Soooooooooooo kidding on that one – I haven’t made my bed in years – seems like such a waste of time since i’ll just get it messy again tonight)

~~~~~~~~Till next time~~~~~~~~~