I Wonder if Sarcasm Can Be a Full Time Job

As you know, I’m looking to discover what I should be when I grow up.

They always say you should look at what you are most talented at or what you love to do. As I have built my list one item stands out that I’m wondering how can I make money from it. I love the sarcastic thoughts that come into my head.

There was a time when most of them came out my mouth, but life has taught me to keep them inside. Sometimes I’m cracking up and people don’t realize it’s from the thoughts dying to sneak out my mouth.

I can’t tell you how many times someone is telling about a conversation that just begged for a witty comeback and when I ask what they said in response, they just shrug and say “nothing”. OMG! You are killing me! These fools  just set you up and you didn’t take the no brainer comeback??

Or I’ll say, did you say… XXX and they will go “No, I didn’t think of that.”

So maybe I can make money with the Sarcastic Hotline.

 

Right when someone needs that good comeback, they tell the person “one sec” then they give us a quick call and my team and I can offer them great sarcastic responses for $3.99 a minute.

Hmm, this might have potential.

 

I might have to think this through. Surely with all the stupid things that get said, this can be a full-time gig. I can make tons of money!

To all my sarcastic brothers and sisters out there. Let’s think of how we can put this extreme talent we have to good use. After all, shouldn’t we use our special powers for good vs for evil?

Oh, and to those that think I’m serious…..Thus lies our problem……

<<<insert sarcastic comment here>>>

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~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

 

Dear Teenage Job Seeker

Through the years I have hired hundreds and hundreds of people. I’ve probably interviewed thousands. I have always been amazed at what I have seen. I have even offered my advice too many and now after spending two years watching teenagers walk into my store asking for jobs I feel it is important I share some key information with this demographic.

So here is my letter to the teenagers looking for a job:

Dear teenage or twenty somethinger,

Congratulations you are either looking for your first job or your next one of many. Either way, the advice I’m about to share is for you. As a business owner I think I speak for many others when I say the following:

First Impressions are very important.

–          Do you really need your posse of friends to escort you in? Is there safety in numbers?

–          Guys – Pull your freaking pants up! I do not need to see your cool boxers to determine if you will make a great fit for my team.

–          I understand wanting to have piercings but just so you know, the cool piercing in your nose, your cheeks, your tongue, or the big gauges in your ears  are not going to help you get a job serving the public. (Yesterday I had one with one in her nose, both her cheeks, under her lip and across her eyebrows – two words – OH MY!)

  • Special note on this one – I serve ice cream to kids, some of your piercings would scare the beegeebees about of the kiddies

–          Tattoos – while yes they are a works of art and they symbolize important things to you I’m pretty sure I’m not going to hire you with the naked women down your arm or the skull and cross bones on your neck.

  • See special note above about scaring the kiddies – not to mention freaking out the little tike’s mommy.

–          Attitude – Can you at least fake some enthusiasm? My lord some of you look miserable. I know its hot outside – but darn you look horrible. Its ice cream for Pete’s sake, it’s fun. If this is how you look wanting a job I’d hate to see what you look like after you get it.

  • But I understand – you’d rather be sitting on the couch playing your xbox but mommy and daddy made you go looking for a job (especially you twenty somethings that haven’t left home yet)

Time to cut the apron strings

–          You are the one I’m hiring, not your parents, so you need to be the one to come see me, to get the application, to fill it out. I’m not hiring mom or dad I’m hiring you. I don’t mind talking to them about it, but they can’t be the one to do all the work for you. It’s your butt that will be scooping the ice cream not theirs, so I want to talk to you.

  • PLEASE SHARE THIS TIP WITH YOUR PARENTS

Ok, this letter (and blog) is getting too long. I could go on and on. From not reading the application or maybe having an answer to a simple question like – Why do you want to work here? (HINT – know what store you are in before you open your mouth and words come out – look around first) But, for a moment I’m going to stop being a smart ass and give you some good advice once you’ve done all the above and this works for everyone who wants to get hired regardless of your age:

Persistence pays off.

Just because you have dropped off the application doesn’t mean you never have to come back again. Stop by each week and show me you really want to work there. The folks I’ve hired have shown me they really want to work there and I’ve gotten to know them by their weekly returns for a job. Show me what I’d be getting. Trust me, when I am hiring it is YOU I will remember first.

Thanks for reading this long ass post – not that anyone will listen – Afterall they ARE teenagers and we all know THEY already KNOW EVERYTHING so what do I know?

Silly me thinking that 25+ years means anything.

Till next time….

TTFN as Tigger would say

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