Letter to Mr Ride My Ass

Dear Mr. Ride My Ass,

Yes, I see you behind me. In your big semi truck. I notice the speed limit on this little road we are on says 55 miles an hour. I notice that I’m going 60 miles and hour and I also notice that you are getting closer and closer by the minute. I’m pretty impressed by your 70+ miles an hour in that big rig.

I’m pretty sure those teeth on your grill are meant to intimidate me as you fill up my rear view mirror. Grrrrr, I’ll eat you up you silly ice cream truck!”. I can hear it screaming now.

But you know what? I’m not afraid. If anything, I laugh at your over aggressive driving harassment. Ha Ha Ha!  All you make me want to do is slow down to make sure you can’t pass. I have the upper hand on this two lane highway. Sure you might be bigger than me, but I have the power right now. I know those teeth aren’t real.

So you just chill right back and settle in. It’s going to be a long 10 miles for you bub! You done messed with the wrong Pink Ice Cream Truck!

Sincerely,

The nice lady in the truck you are trying to eat.

PS. The Oreo Sundae on the side of the truck is fake. It is not real. So calm down.

`

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

Animal Russian Roulette or Animal Dodge Ball?

First off, I live in the middle of nowhere. Ok, not really nowhere because technically it is somewhere and I do know where I am. So the actual wording should be; I live out in the desert where most humans prefer the city or a small town. Think of it as making a right at the small town and then out 15 minutes past the “normal” people. My claim to those that make fun of me, is I at least get to see all the stars at night uninterrupted by the street lights or city lights. We need to go miles and miles to find a street light – SO there! Nanu Nanu!

Anyways, I did have a point to make on this post, now what was it….. Oh yea..

On that 15 minute drive to civilization I have noticed that Mother Nature thinks those of us foolish enough to live out there and have nothing to look at for our trek into town should at least be able to play a game as we drive in and out. ANIMAL DODGEBALL.

Now, before all the PETA fans and animal lovers go crazy, finish reading. I promise, it’s not us humans. It’s them!

I’m thinking the critters that live out in our way must get awful bored with no movie theaters or arcades or a decent donut place. So they just lie in wait and think of things to humor themselves with. And they have decided it is either so boring they take their chances with Russian Roulette or a dangerous game of Animal Dodge Ball. And it is so popular all the animals play.

I drive down this one road we call “I’m by the cow farm” (it’s really a cow farm that harnesses cow poo – yummy smell when 115 degrees out but that is another story for another day). While driving down this patch, listening to my music trying to avoid falling in the ditch — a flock, no a gaggle, no a bus load of black birds swoop down in front of my truck pulling up just as they are about to see why sometimes you are the windshield and sometimes you are the bug. And let me tell ya, some of those suckers think they are Tom Cruise in Top Gun. It really is like a scene out of Hitchcock’s The Birds.

Then, on the way to my dirt road late at night, the road is pitch black, yes pitch black. Trust me, I love taking new visitors down the road and killing my head lights to watch them scream like a teenage girl at a Justin Beiber concert. Anyways, as I drive, these jack rabbits, regular rabbits, Bugs Bunny, whoever they are; dash out in front of me narrowly getting across (Must be those lucky rabbit’s feet they bought at 7-11).  And during this mile stretch, this will repeat itself like 3-4 times like a wave at the baseball stadium (some nights they also struggle getting past the 2nd section of stubborn folks refusing to participate).

This post is too long now, so I can’t tell you about the wolf rush or the road runner rally. But maybe someday.

Just know, It’s not our fault that our houses are located in the middle of now where on their turf. They just need to get over it and live peacefully with our whirling cars driving through their backyards.  After all, it’s the American way to take over someone or something’s land.

 

~~~~~~~~ Till we laugh again~~~~~~~

PS, No birds,  rabbits, wolves, dogs, roadrunners, bees, strays, etc were harmed during this post. (at least not by me)