As I’ve mentioned before, I live in the middle of the desert. For the most part the land is clear except some small bushes and some gravel that falls off the mountain after the rains. In the desert you get all kinds of critters. Not only the normal rabbits, prairie dogs, spiders, scorpions, lizards, geckos (not as cute as the TV one tho) but you always know that some slithering friends can be out there as well.
In the 8 years we have lived there we have had 2 rattle snakes creep up to the property. That is until last night.
My family came to my store and we headed to my house after it was dark. I tell them I’m just going to run in the milk and the other things I was carrying and I’ll be right back to help them carry in their stuff. I head back out with the entourage of the three dogs. They excitedly bound down the steps and I stop at the edge of the small porch when I hear this rattling sound. I look into the flower bed (which is more like a dirt bed with nice stones pretending to be a retaining wall) and I see the snake you see in the picture. Head up, tongue out, and hissing. Now, it’s dark and it is sitting on the water hose, so I’m not sure if there is one snake or two.
Now, as you know, I love humor in anything, and from this point on, I’m finding humor in the next 20 minutes. Let me share,
First off, we park right up in front of the house. I have no driveway as I live on the dirt and love being able to pull right to the door. So my mom and sister and the dogs are maybe 10 feet at most from where the snake is which is maybe a foot from our steps. The porch light is not strong enough to see it and being that we are in the middle of the desert, there are no street lights to see. So it is dark. So I use the light on my phone to get a better look. Yep, a rattlesnake. Drats. Nice welcoming committee I formed.
I tell them to stay put and I attempt to usher all three dogs quickly back up the steps and into the house hoping they don’t see our new friend. Knowing them, they would stick their nose right up to it to stiff if it was friend or foe. Once I get them inside, I put the dogs in my room so they don’t accidentally get out. I tell my family I’ll be right back as I”m going to try and find a flashlight. In the window we have like 3. Now let me ask you, do you think any of the 3 work at the moment? Two guesses…..N O.
I search around looking for another one only to find that it also doesn’t work. I guess it could be worse, we could have a black out and I’d really be up a creek I think. At this point I know my cell phone has a cool app that lights up all lights like a flashlight. And let me tell you, I’m pretty impressed with how bright it is.
I head back outside only to see my sister is now about 4-5 feet from the snake and throwing rocks at it!! What are you doing goof? You don’t throw rocks at a snake!
We laugh as I try and figure out a plan. At this point I know the snake is probably more afraid of us (ok, my mom probably is #1, then the snake, then my sister and I) if I was to rank scardi-catness.
How does my mom handle this situation? She climbs back in the car, says she is pulling in her feet just in case he decides to slither her way. Oh, and roll up the window in case it decides to fly the 10 feet into the small crack in the window she has left for herself.
So, I’m using the light on my cell phone to try and get the snake to retreat due to the light in his eyes. Silly I know, but it sounded good. I’m debating whether or not to use the shovel to move him. The angle he is at and the cramp area he is in, I know I can’t be 100% sure I would kill him.
I make the executive decision to at least get everyone in the house and we would go back out and get their stuff. I go back in the house a second and come back out and my mom is telling my sister to once again STOP THROWING ROCKS AT THE SNAKE…
Silly girl doesn’t realize that the snake will fly out her if she irritates it enough. I just shake my head.
I tell them to grab the items they might need right away and hurry to get past the snake. Ok, this alone is funny. To me, I might grab one small thing, these two are grabbing all kinds of stuff. Once again, I shake my head. I look back and they are spending what feels like a 1/2 hour to decide on what is their one essential for the island.
Meanwhile, I look at the snake and he looks like he is ready to slither back through the stones and escape this nightmare he found his way into.
Now, I tell both of them to go to the far right of the steps and pray the snake doesn’t attack. (as I laugh at making it sound worse). Now my mom isn’t the fastest person on the planet and I’m just hoping the snake doesn’t look at her and think… “Easy pray”. LOL
I get them finally in the house. And as we wait out the snakes retreat (which he left immediately after the crazy women went inside) we are sitting at my table talking. My mother reaches in her purse at one point, and says, look at this cool flashlight…
I look at her in amazement, “Mom, why didn’t you think about that when I was looking for a flashlight??!!” … “oh, I forgot.. Hee hee hee..
To which my sister says, “Oh yea, I have one too.”
I just shake my head at both of them.
Now you know why I’ve spent most of my life laughing at the crazy stuff that happens…..I was raised with people that make me laugh by the thoughts they have or rather don’t have.
PS. When a rattlesnake crosses your path.
A) Look in your mom or sister’s purse for the flashlight &
B) Tell them not to throw rocks at the snake
Oh and C) Make sure your flashlights have working live batteries
~~till we laugh again~~~