13 Jokes About Women

Can Women Take a Joke?

 




laughing at everyday lifeOk, so yesterday we shared some jokes about men. It is only fitting that we share some jokes about women. After all, women want equal rights so we get to make fun of them too!

Here are 13 Jokes About Women that you can tell

 

Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion
~~~
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
~~~
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
~~~
When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first-aid!” The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”
~~~
A man asks his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?” His wife says, “Take half and leave your ass!” The man replies, “Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!”
~~~
A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” The husband says, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!” –
~~~
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably, “My wife missed the bus.”
~~~
A wife asked her husband, “Honey, will you still love me when I am old and overweight?” The man replied, “Yes, I do.”
~~~
Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. At least he’ll shut up after you let him in.
~~~
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
~~~
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life
~~~
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her
~~~
If you want to know who is really man’s best friend, put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, come back an hour later, open the trunk, and see which one is happy to see you.

 

So, did you find one you liked? Do you have one to share?

~~~till we laugh again~~~




A New Stick Figure Family Decal

This Stick Figure Family Had Me Rolling





By now, we all have seen those stick figures on the back of cars. The range from the traditional ones with mom, dad, kids and pets. Now you can get them with Hello Kitty, Zombies, and various other fun families. They have ones being chased laughing at lifeby a masked chainsaw, a dinosaur and even the Star Wars planes. I’ve seen ones with with items representing the family like rifles, pets and even marshmallows.

My personal favorite has always been the “Ass” Family. You know the one, Smart Ass, Dumb Ass, Jack Ass… LOL  That one cracks me up.

But today, I saw a new Stick Figure Family that had me rolling. One I haven’t seen before. At first I thought he had just made it up himself but I guess they actually make them. Below is a picture of the one I took. Since it isn’t a great picture I Googled it and found out there are others. Too funny!

I just knew I had to share with you today the latest family rolling down a street near you….

laughing at life stick-family-position-open

 

 

Hope you get a good chuckle!
~~till we laugh again~~~




Losing Their Mind Over the Election





The 2016 Election is No Joke

 

Political HumorI normally stay away from Religion and Politics.  They are neither funny nor are they something that people can discuss without becoming defensive. People speak to be heard, not to be understood. There is a difference.

I take it back. It is funny. Funny to watch people say they are opened minded but then I watch them do everything but be open-minded. There is something about these two topics that cause normally well adjusted people to lose their mind. Take this recent US election for example.

People are loosing their mind on both sides of the political extreme. I’m not talking about the riots, protests, etc. I’m talking about everyday conversations between people.

A basic human nature is to be right. One of the hardest things for us is to admit we were wrong or that we might be concerned about our pick. Right now, I’m watching folks dig their heels in on the pick they made.

Let’s take one side. Those that voted for Trump. Everyone has a right to vote for who they wanted. That is what makes America great. The problem is, we have created this mentality of “us vs them”. When this happens and people feel attacked, they defend their candidate at all costs.  Here are two things I feel are funny or at least ironic…

A) Those Trump supporters that are mad that people who are bashing Donald Trump – Reason I find this funny? Many of these same people spent the last 8 years viciously attacking Obama. Talk about ironic. I also find it sad. They don’t even see how funny it is that they can dish it out, but can’t take it.

B) These same folks are the same ones that just a year ago, wanted any other Republican but Trump. For a year they bashed him and only got in his camp if you will once he kept winning. I laugh every time I hear them act as if he has been their #1 guy from the beginning.

laughing-faceListen, there are many folks that are scared. Each day something new happens. This will continue. Some of it will be good and some of it will be bad. But one thing is for sure, the next 4 years will be full of a lot of things. One thing I know, we will be laughing one way or another.  It might be a nervous laugh, it might be an ironic laugh or it might be a full on belly laugh due to the stuff Trump says.

Now, I’m not trying to be political. I’m just pointing out how this election has caused folks to lose their mind. Common sense has left the building. I hope it comes back soon. While I find it funny to watch, I also find it sad. Sad that people aren’t open to hearing each other. If we don’t start hearing the good and the bad but more importantly the opportunities we have as a nation, I feel we as a nation will become a joke to the rest of the world. Oh wait, I think we already have….  🙁

So don’t be surprised if I pop in on the humor that is Trump. I only want the best for our country, but I have a feeling it is going to be an interesting ride so we might as well buckle in and have some fun.

~~~till we laugh again~~~

Tammy

 




sneezing food

Sneezing After You Eat – Do You Do It?

You Know You are Full When the Sneezing Begins

 

sneezing foodWhen I wrote Do You Sneeze for Odd Reasons,  I mentioned how I would sneeze after I ate ice cream. Now I sneeze after I eat period.

I’ve sneezed after eating ice cream for quite sometime, then a few years ago I started to sneeze half way into my meal. Not just once mind you, but 5,6,7 times. LOL

Some foods bring it on earlier than others. I read somewhere it was some gene that mutates that normally triggers your sneezing when something gets in your nose and somehow it triggers with your stomach too.

Odd.

The fun part is when I’m at work and grab lunch at my desk. People go, “Tammy must be eating”. Then they laugh.

The hard part is when folks start the “bless you”. Did you know that most folks get irritated saying bless you around the 3 or 4th time?   🙂

I always let them off the hook on the 2nd one saying that one will be good for all of them.

I still don’t know what causes them and I don’t know if they will ever go away. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me. Unless of course I also drank a big glass of water and you can imagine what that and 7 sneezes might cause. (I know what you are thinking, no, I haven’t peed my pants…LOL)

So, do you sneeze when you eat?

You aren’t alone. My post from back then has a lot of folks stopping by to say they are glad they aren’t the only ones. Nope, You are in a special club of not normal sneezers. I wonder if we should have a special badge of honor?

I’d welcome you all!!
~~~till we sneeze, I mean laugh again~~~

 




Are you an In-e or an Out-e?

belly buttonNo, not your belly button silly.

Although, that would have probably made a funnier post.

 

No, I’m talking about ~~ Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

 

Basically introverts get their “energy” by being alone and recharging themselves. Extroverts get their “energy” from others. They get joy and excitement out of being around others.

If given a chance, introverts would prefer to be alone doing what they love (can be anything, reading, TV, computer, gardening, doesn’t matter). While extroverts would prefer to P A R T ~ aaaaa. They love to be around others and the thought of being alone drives them batty.

If there is a party going on, the extroverts love to be the first ones there and the last to leave. Introverts are thinking of every reason to get out of the sill thing. “Cough, cough, I think I feel a cold coming on.”

Extroverts see a crowd of people and start to salivate at the thought of joining them. Introverts hyperventilate at the thought of having to join them.

I am an introvert. However, I will get folks to disagree when I tell them. Why? Shouldn’t it be obvious?

I wish it was. Turns out there are a lot more folks like me. We have learned to succeed in the work place by giving speeches, teaching people, or even getting involved in a conversation or two.

What you don’t see is our internal dialog shouting for us to RUN!  

Sure we can have fun, but in our head we are already looking forward to getting home and turning off all the noise around us.

So, are you an In -e or an Out-e?

 

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

~~~

~




Are You Sure You Want to Bungee Jump?

Let’s Go Bungee Jumping in Mexico

 

bungee jumpTwo guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.”

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord,  insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and began to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

Once they complete the tower, and announcement is made in Spanish and the first guy jumps.

He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able to catch him, he falls again, bounces, and comes back up again.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again,the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up.

This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, “What happened? Was the cord too long?”

The first guy says, “No, the cord was fine, but what the hell is a pinata?”

 

 

Don’t Forget to Laugh Each and Everyday!!

~~Till Our Next Cute Joke of the Day~~

Cell Phones are Taking Over the Taco Bell

I Wish One Little Girl Would Just Eat Her Phone

 

taco bellSo, during a hard day’s work, I slip off for some lunch time at my local Taco Bell. I have a special love for Taco Bell as it was my first job. But that is another story for another day.

I get my quesadilla (I highly recommend the spicy, shredded chicken quesadilla) and slide into my booth to enjoy some peace and quiet. Or did I???

Not 2 minutes later a loud voice starts booming throughout the lobby. Some laughter and music. My head snaps up and notice the little girl in front of me is watching some show on her cell phone.  Her mother oblivious to how loud and obnoxious this is to everyone in this packed lobby.

Soon the little girl isn’t even looking at the screen as she is lost in her tacos. The phone pushed aside yet still as loud as possible.

I look around to see if everyone else is shooting daggers into this mother who doesn’t realize she is raising a brat who has no respect for others.

eating on phoneSo what do I see?  Family of 6 to the right, all 6 on their cell phones! Yes, mom, dad and their 4 bambinos. Next table, all on cell phones. Next table, all on their cell phones.

OMG, I turn to see that no one is bothered by this horrendously rude show blasting because their noses are so buried in their own phones.

I stop and count…..12,13,14,wow 15 people in this lobby and I’m the only one not on my cell phone! Crazy!

Ok, I must confess. Soon as I polished off the quesadilla I too was on my cell phone. Yep, it was Candy Crush time.

Fine, I’m one of “those” people.

Hey, but at least I’m not blasting my phone and forcing everyone to listen to it!

Listen, bury your nose in phone, just don’t shove it down my ears!

 

~~Till we Laugh Again!~~~

Tammy

high tech

The Next High Tech Gadget

Amazing What They Can Do with Modern Technology

 

high techA guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers. like a telephone… on his hand, then talking into his hand.

The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn’t need any trouble here.

The guy says, “You don’t understand. I’m very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular.”

The bartender says, “Yeah? Prove it.”

The guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender.  The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation.

“That’s incredible”, says the bartender, “I would never have believed it!”

“Yeah,” said the guy, “I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men’s room?” The bartender
directs him to the men’s room.

old man buttThe guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn’t return. Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men’s room. There is the guy spread-eagled against the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper up his
butt.

“Oh my god!” said the bartender. “Did they rob you? Are you hurt?”

The guy turns to him and says: “No, I’m fine…I’m just waiting for a fax.”

 

Don’t Forget to Laugh Each and Everyday!!

~~Till Our Next Cute Joke of the Day~~

2016 elections

How to Explain Politics to Your Kids

The 2016 Elections Might Have Your Kids Asking

*** Warning…DO NOT share this with you kids. LOL   Keep Reading and Find Out Why!
2016 electionsA little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the People. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future.

Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

eye through keyholeSo the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”

The father says, “Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about”.

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.”

 

Don’t Forget to Laugh Each and Everyday!!

~~Till Our Next Cute Joke of the Day~~

you got mail

A Message from Beyond

You’ve Got Mail

you got mailA couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he misspelled her name and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

~~

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Life is too Short to be Serious All the Time

Laugh at YourselfYou Should Laugh at Yourself Once a Day

 

There are too many folks that walk around everyday miserable. Every time something happens to them they just are so pissed. I always think…Get over yourself!  LOL

Listen, we all screw up, mess up, F*** Up on a daily basis. The key is to step back and just laugh at yourself.

What folks don’t realize is, if we see you screw up, mess up, or F*** we are laughing at you.

So why not join us?

Listen, life if full of bad stuff, struggles and challenges. Speed bumps, roadblock, and detours are just part of the big life plan.

In order to have less stress in your life you have to learn to laugh it off.

I’m not saying — Don’t Take it Seriously — You must. But that doesn’t mean it has to define your attitude and how you react to it. You pick that, it doesn’t.

So next time you find yourself all tense and serious, find something to laugh at. I promise it will give you the clarity you need to move on.

 

Now, get out there and laugh at someone!!

 

Christmas Lights Gone Wrong

Do You Have This Neighbor?

lots a christmas lights

Everyone loves to look at Christmas Lights. Ok, Maybe not everyone. But I bet you like to still like a good laugh once in a while. Let’s take a look at what a few folks have done…

Some folks have a good sense of humor. They really don’t want to hang the lights but know they need to at least attempt them…

Oops Lights

Little Help…Please

little help

Spiderman Said this way was easier

~~~

We have all experienced the joy of untangling those Christmas Lights. How many of use wish we could just do what this person did?

forget about it

Screw it!

~~~

Some folks at least give it the old college try

No reason

Hey, they at least tried

Lazy Lights

Ok, maybe this one was a college drop out

~~~

Speaking of screw it.

Some folks like being on Santa’s Naughty List

Frisky Deer

Hmm. Maybe we should give them some privacy

Maybe fewer lights

Yes, you can put too many lights on a palm tree

Peeing Santa

Even Santa has to make a pit stop on Christmas Eve

~~~

They say you can’t have enough lights but I think some of these folks can prove the theory wrong

Yes too many lights

Hey, you missed a spot on the right

too many christmas lights

Oh, was I suppose to have a theme?

~~~

Then there are those that only love the blow ups

christmas blow ups

~~~

In the end it is about finding the right balance.

If you are lucky you have that neighbor that does it just right.

Christmas Lights Done right

Then all you have to do is high jack their lights!

Maricopa Ditto House

Have a great Christmas & Holiday Everyone!!!!

Do You Wear Funny T-Shirts?

Express Yourself

social interactionEveryone loves a funny t-shirt. We all probably own at least 1 or 2. I would bet you’ve bought for gifts way more than that. I would also be willing to bet that some of you have spent at least a 1/2 hour at a Walmart looking at them.

Now a days you can go online and put any saying you want on them. From Rated G to X. You can support you favorite cause or make fun of your significant other…I’m with Stupid ring a bell? The most popular tend to be the sports folks. Millions have been made through the years.

Me, I’m a fan of the funny. I like ones that make me smile. Want to see my stepdad’s favorite t-shirt? Yep, he’s pooped today and proud of it. LOLI pooped today

Here are a few other fun ones I’ve seen:

ADMIT IT..Life would be boring with out me!

Sarcasm – Just another free service I offer

Sometimes when I open my mouth my mother comes out

Musician: Someone who packs $5000 into a $200 car to earn $50

You can’t scare me…I have a teenage daughter!

When I was a kid I wanted to be older. This CRAP is not what I expected


Back off, I have a sister and i’m not afraid to use her!

Captain Obvious

be batmanI’m a nurse….What’s your superpower?

I may be left handed but I’m always right!

i love this muchI’m full of holiday spirit…It’s called Vodka

Mom like me best! (I should wear this around my sisters..lol)

Do not touch my tools or my daughter!

So when does this “old enough to know better” kick in?

I’m not arguing I’m just explaining why I’m right!

I did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding a bike…It’s not

Prayer: The world’s greatest wireless connection

I am who I am…Your approval isn’t needed

Everything tastes better with ketchup

I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you

Inside every older person is a younger one wondering what the hell happened!

Karma takes too long. I’d rather just smack you right now!

Cat: A bipolar creature which would as soon gouge out your eyes and it would cuddle

ironySome days the supply of curse words is insufficient to meet my demands

Walk a day in my head and you would completely understand

Sometimes I laugh so hard tears run down my leg

 

football momBy the way, if you have a saying you want added to shirt after all this T-Shirt talk, my buddy Jackie over at VinylWorks4u.com can hook you up. (She doesn’t know I’m doing this so feel free to tell her Tammy sent ya…lol) She can make almost anything. I think her etsy site has more examples. Especially football stuff this time of year. Great Christmas gifts if you need any.

 

Do you have a favorite T-Shirt?

What does it Say?