Seafood Just as Gross as Peas

So tonight we went to the buffet at our local casino. Now, first off, I’m not a fan of buffets. But that is a blog for another day. But today was extra torturous as I forgot it was a special buffet night – Seafood night.

Now, I’ve already discussed my hatred of peas (Peas! My Mother’s Favorite Torture Tool). But let me tell ya, Seafood is a close second. I can’t stand the stuff. I can’t stand the smell and I can’t stand the taste. Don’t even get me going Crab & Lobster.

Ok, first off, the smell. Even as a kid, just walking by the seafood cabinet in the grocery store would make me sick. The smell is so overpowering. Instant gag. Holding my nose as I walk by. Eyes beginning to water. I’ll skip an aisle if needed. And tonight, sitting in a buffet with 99% of the people around you eating this all you can eat crab, the smell was so overwhelming. How on earth people can eat food that smells that bad is beyond me.

And the piles and piles of broken legs sitting in bowls. Hands smothered in watery slime. Five hours of work for a tiny pile of food. Amazing.

Now, here is my biggest issue. I have people close to me that love to eat seafood. And they think Red Lobster is the holy grail of dining. I refuse to go. Plus, trust me, after all these years they don’t want to take me either. Want to know why? Tough! I’m telling you anyways. It’s my blog.   😀

If you insist on sitting across from me eating crab or lobster then you will have to listen to me pretend I’m your food. “Oh no, don’t break my legs!” “Oh, there goes my knee caps!”  “Oh, don’t rip my back open and take my guts.” When we walk in and see the lobsters swimming around, I say, “Don’t pick me, Don’t pick me I have children!”. Think about it, these suckers are boiled alive! How would  you like that to happen to you?

What about those dishes where the fish is laying on your plate staring at you? WTF??? I don’t want my food looking back at me.

And why is it that the only comeback you seafood loving weirdos have is, “Well you eat a hamburger and steaks…”

I can 100% guarantee you that if they put the freaking cow on my plate I wouldn’t be eating it either!

So, in the end, if you love seafood, I’m not going to try and stop you from eating your little shrimp with poo in it, but I also don’t want to hear you tell me that you can cook some (fill in blank) fish that I would never be able to tell was fish. Everyone is determined to convert me.

Do you seafood folks get a brand new Crab Leg Cracker for everyone you convert? No thanks. I’ll just be over at Outback while you eat.

Now, in fair disclosure, I do like canned tuna fish. Odd huh? The only thing I like – is the one thing true fish eaters hate. How ironic is that? So typical of me.

Oh well, I survived Seafood Night and it gave me a great topic for my post tonight. I guess I could be grateful for that.   😛

~~~~till we laugh again~~~

0 thoughts on “Seafood Just as Gross as Peas

  1. photosfromtheloonybin

    Best post ever!!!!!!! You and I have so much in common it’s scary! When I was a kid, if we were going out for seafood my parents had to call ahead to make sure they had regular food too. But even then I didn’t enjoy my dinner because all I could smell was that disgusting fishy odour that permeates everything and never goes away. I know taste buds change, so I have given seafood an honest try throughout the years, but the results are always the same – I want to puke my guts up all over the person who suggested I try it again!! And I totally agree with you – it doesn’t matter what they do to it, it will always taste like seafood! Just like you though, I do like canned tuna, as long as it’s mixed with lots of mayo. 🙂

  2. DiatribesAndOvations.com

    I HATE BUFFETS. They’re a nightmare for germaphobes and the “seafood buffets” are the worst. My experience leads me to believe that the consumption of crab legs is some sort of race to see who can eat the most. and cracking and spraying crabwater all about appears to be the technique of champions. I feel your pain.

    1. tadams4u

      Yep, he/she with the most legs piled up wins. My nephew I think one night ate the equivalent of like 8 poor crabs. And he was only 13 at the time. One day I’ll write about my dislike of Buffets.

  3. J. A. Robinson

    What a HILARIOUS post! I won’t eat out of exoskeletons (lobstertails and crab legs), but I like certain fish (once removed from their exteriors and served like a meat portion). I would love to see a video (YouTube?) of you commenting on your friends barbaraty during dinner at Red Lobster! It would go VIRAL!

    –John

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