So tonight we went to the buffet at our local casino. Now, first off, I’m not a fan of buffets. But that is a blog for another day. But today was extra torturous as I forgot it was a special buffet night – Seafood night.

Now, I’ve already discussed my hatred of peas (Peas! My Mother’s Favorite Torture Tool). But let me tell ya, Seafood is a close second. I can’t stand the stuff. I can’t stand the smell and I can’t stand the taste. Don’t even get me going Crab & Lobster.

Ok, first off, the smell. Even as a kid, just walking by the seafood cabinet in the grocery store would make me sick. The smell is so overpowering. Instant gag. Holding my nose as I walk by. Eyes beginning to water. I’ll skip an aisle if needed. And tonight, sitting in a buffet with 99% of the people around you eating this all you can eat crab, the smell was so overwhelming. How on earth people can eat food that smells that bad is beyond me.

And the piles and piles of broken legs sitting in bowls. Hands smothered in watery slime. Five hours of work for a tiny pile of food. Amazing.

Now, here is my biggest issue. I have people close to me that love to eat seafood. And they think Red Lobster is the holy grail of dining. I refuse to go. Plus, trust me, after all these years they don’t want to take me either. Want to know why? Tough! I’m telling you anyways. It’s my blog.   😀

If you insist on sitting across from me eating crab or lobster then you will have to listen to me pretend I’m your food. “Oh no, don’t break my legs!” “Oh, there goes my knee caps!”  “Oh, don’t rip my back open and take my guts.” When we walk in and see the lobsters swimming around, I say, “Don’t pick me, Don’t pick me I have children!”. Think about it, these suckers are boiled alive! How would  you like that to happen to you?

What about those dishes where the fish is laying on your plate staring at you? WTF??? I don’t want my food looking back at me.

And why is it that the only comeback you seafood loving weirdos have is, “Well you eat a hamburger and steaks…”

I can 100% guarantee you that if they put the freaking cow on my plate I wouldn’t be eating it either!

So, in the end, if you love seafood, I’m not going to try and stop you from eating your little shrimp with poo in it, but I also don’t want to hear you tell me that you can cook some (fill in blank) fish that I would never be able to tell was fish. Everyone is determined to convert me.

Do you seafood folks get a brand new Crab Leg Cracker for everyone you convert? No thanks. I’ll just be over at Outback while you eat.

Now, in fair disclosure, I do like canned tuna fish. Odd huh? The only thing I like – is the one thing true fish eaters hate. How ironic is that? So typical of me.

Oh well, I survived Seafood Night and it gave me a great topic for my post tonight. I guess I could be grateful for that.   😛

~~~~till we laugh again~~~