So, those that know me know I have a few rental houses. Trust me, don’t feel happy for me, what seemed like a good idea years ago isn’t so much today.
But this blog post isn’t about whether I should or shouldn’t have or the current market conditions. No I’m not going to whine about the loss of equity. (not this time anyways) LOL
Here is my beef at the moment.
Last time I checked at no point did we discuss that when you (tenant) moved out, you could destroy my house!
I’d like to say this is rare, but alas it happens the vast majority of the time.
I like to think of myself as a landlord that works with my tenants. Especially when times get tough. Probably too much so at times. So it hurts that much more when in the end, tenants that were great for 11 months all of a sudden morph into sleeze balls.
So, maybe I need to modify my rental agreement to include the following true items that tend to occur more than I care for:
- Tenant will not leave all their furniture behind when they move out. It is not my responsibility to get rid of your couch, your nasty ass beds, all your kids toys and your TV you broke 5 years ago. Not to mention your coffee table, shelves and whatever other junk you didn’t want to take with you.
- Tenant will not attempt to fix plumbing on their own and use plastic to cover the big hole in the wall they made so that mold can grow and cause $2000 in additional damage to the drywall and cabinets.
- Tenant will not let their dog shit all over the house and leave it there. (this really happened, I thought we were going to die getting in the house – he was mad that he was being evicted for not paying rent – how mean of me)
- Tenant cannot leave all their food in a fridge that the power is off too. That stuff gets smelly real quick. Especially the 3 month old fish you had in the freezer. Not to mention all the milk you split in the fridge and never wiped up.
- IF you must cook on the stove – try cleaning it at least once in the year you live there. And do you really need all that grease in your food?? Well, most went in the food, the rest just got all over the stove, the walls and the cabinets.
- While you are at it, I’m pretty sure the ceiling fans didn’t have 2 inches of dust on them when you moved in. How are earth have you been breathing all this time?
- Tenants, please plan on replacing the 2-4 doors you will punch or kick holes in. You do know they aren’t punching bags? IF this is how you treat my doors and walls I sure the hell hope you aren’t hitting your kids or wife like this
- Speaking of which, please don’t body slam your friends in the walls to see how big of a hole it would make. Not funny, not at all
- Treat the carpet like you owned the place. You would KILL your kid if he or she spilled Red Kool Aid all over the new carpet if you had paid for it
- Tenants, please hide all the crayons, markers, pens, etc from your kids. The white walls are not giant canvases for your kids to use. I really do not care how artistic Johnny and Suzie are. I do not need to have the walls covered in their art from the floor to 3 feet up.
- Finally, if you can do those things plus pay your rent, we both will be happy. Oh hell, who am I kidding, your brats will still destroy my house in the end. You will let them and just think it is cute or you have just giving up disciplining them. But that is for a whole other blog someday.
BY THE WAY, ALL THE ABOVE ARE TRUE AND MOST HAPPEN EACH TIME A TENANT MOVES OUT.
Remind me again why I thought owning rental houses were a great idea????
Till we rant again….
PS. Ok, let me say this now:
A) Many of my tenants are wonderful. Love them. Great people.
B) I love kids. Even like many of them. Its not their fault their parents let them do anything they want.
C) I’m not being mean. I’m being sarcastic. Or did you miss the title of my blog????
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The following conversation occurred earlier today:
CUSTOMER: I need two scoops of Oreo
ME: Cup or Cone
ME: So that’s two scoops in a cup of Oreo
ME: OK, so it’s not 2 scoops in a cup, so is that two cups with one scoop each?
CUSTOMER: (Now looking ticked off) – I said two scoops of Oreo in a cup
ME: (taking a deep breath) – I understand, I’m just asking, are the two scoops in one cup or is it two cups with one scoop each?
CUSTOMER: (Just staring at me now) – Ohhhhh, I see. No, two different scoops in a cup.
ME: (Deep breath – holding up two single scoop cups) – Ok, one scoop in each coming right up.
CUSTOMER: Oh no, I need them in the same cup.
WTF???? Shoot me now, this can’t be this difficult. It’s ice cream people.
The sad part is I have this same conversation at least once a day. LOL
No wonder why I had a headache today…
I own an ice cream shop. Odds are you have been in one just like it. As you look into the case to select an ice cream flavor, there are little tags that tell you all about the ice cream. The flavor, what’s in it, any allergens, you name it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I watch a customer read the tag then look right at me and ask “What’s in this ice cream? and does it have nuts?” Huhhhhh?????
Now, at this point I have to bite my little sarcastic tongue. Because this is what they read on the tag: Chocolate ice cream with almonds and marshmallow’s in it (Rocky Road by the way).
Ok, now what do they think I’m going to say differently? Well, it vanilla ice cream, dyed brown. No, it has no nuts as almonds are like candy pieces.
But it isn’t only ice cream tags Johnny can’t read. If you work retail you have probably had a customer hold a product in their hand and ask if it had something in it. I fondly remember customers holding up Kitchen & Bath caulking and asking me, will this work on my tub? Hmm, wonder what that Bath part in the title is for???
So, does us verifying what they read make it true? Is it pretend till then? How have I done so well keeping my sarcastic mouth shut through the years?
Practice, practice, practice. You get lots of practice when it happens at least once a day. LOL
Ok, I need to go to bed… I have to verify some tags in the morning.
So, let me understand.
We have Twitter so we can share random short thoughts with those who for some reason want to follow us even though they have no idea who they are.
We have Facebook to share our lives with those we know or once knew or those that think they know us.
And finally we have Blogs to share the things that pop into our mind that we feel the world needs to know in more detail.
Now I got it.
Some how over the past few years we have discovered that the world must know us better and what goes on in our lives and our minds.
So hells bells, I guess I can set up this blog to go with my twitter and my facebook and maybe, just maybe, I can forgot to do my blog just like I do those other two.
Then again, I might not. Cuz I have TONS to be sarcastic about our everyday life. Cuz if you dont laugh at what life shows you, then you die. And what is the fun of that?