Laughing at Everyday life

59 Comeback Woman Can Use on Bad Pickup Lines

59 Comeback Woman Can Use on Bad Pickup Lines




Have you ever had a guy slither up to you with a twinkle in his eye and a bad pickup line rolling off his lips? Did you wish you had a great comeback? Well next time you will be ready with these great responses I found while roaming the internet for you.

Here are 59 Comebacks for those Bad Pickup Lines

Laughing at Everyday lifeMan: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!
No, they’re prison pants. And it’s time for me to make my escape.

Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy!
No, I’m Finnish. Finnish with this conversation!

Feel my shirt. That’s boyfriend material.
It looks a little too clingy and hard to maintain.

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.
I don’t. But I know karate and I could rip your lungs out.

There’s something wrong with my eyes. I can’t take them off you.
I’m having a problem with mine, too. I can’t see you getting anywhere with me.

What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
I was gonna ask you the same thing!

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?
Go ahead. I need to practice hitting a moving target.

Why don’t we get drunk and make some bad decisions?
You look like you already are, and you just did.

Didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.
I’m thinking it was history. Which is what you should be right now.

Are you a magician? Because abraca-dayum, girl!
Yeah. Now watch me disappear.

Is your last name Campbell?
Because you’re Mmm Mmm good!

Your nickname must be Dirt Devil, because tonight you’ll be alone with the power of an upright in the palm of your hand.

Do you have a map? I’m getting lost in your eyes.
Sorry, no map. So why don’t you just get lost?

Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see!
Are you from Istanbul? Because you sound like a real turkey.

I just Googled “sexy” and a picture of you came up.
You’ll get the same result if you search for “not interested.”

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
If I said I wanted to check out your ass, would you turn around and walk away?

Man: Is this seat taken?
Woman: No, and mine will not be anymore if you sit down.

Laughing at Everyday lifeMan: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

Man: I will do whatever it takes to please you.
Woman: Ok, please me by getting out of my sight.

Man: I would go till the end of the world just for you.
Woman: Really? Ok. Would you stay there?

That’s a cute dress. It would look even better on my bedroom floor.
And it would look fabulous jammed into your windpipe.

Here I am! What were your other two wishes?
That he be charming and handsome. I guess not all wishes come true.

All those curves and me with no brakes.
So cheesy, and me with no pizza.

Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.
No, but you must be a jury notice, because I’m trying to avoid you.

I feel like a library card, since I’ve been totally checking you out!
Did you notice that I’m like a best seller? Currently unavailable.

If you were a McDonald’s burger, you’d be the McGorgeous.
Thanks, Ronald, but I’ve already talked to enough clowns tonight

Man: You are the reason why men fall in love.
Woman: Thank you. And you are the reason why women don’t.

Man: I’d really like to get into your pants.
Woman: No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there.

Man: Haven’t we met before?
Woman: Yes, I’m the receptionist at the STD Clinic.

Man: I can give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t usually accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your face must turn a few heads!
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs!

Man: Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason!
Woman: Yeah! To pick up some chicks!

Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
Actually, it’s you. Because you just crashed and burned.

Excuse me, does this napkin smell like chloroform to you?
Not as much as that pick-up line smells like desperation.

You know, you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
And you look exactly like the guy I turned down two seconds from now.

Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams?
No, they hurt from dodging corny lines like that all night.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

laughing at everyday lifeMan: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

Man: Hi! Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
Woman: Maybe once. I never make the same mistake twice!

Man: Baby, your body is a wonderland!
Woman: That’s funny, because yours is a wasteland!

Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time!

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Hi girl, your place, or mine?
Woman: You go back to yours and I go back to mine.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Away from you.

Man: If I am able to rearrange the alphabet, I would put “U” and “I” together.
Woman: Oh, how sweet. If you asked me, I would put “F” and “U” together.

Older Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: For the first half of it, I probably wasn’t born yet.

Man: So, wanna go back to my place?
Woman: Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put you between F and CK
Woman: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put you before GLY

Man: I can make your bed rock
Woman: No you can’t, I have a Tempurpedic

Man: What do math and my dick have in common?…They’re both hard for you
Woman: You must be a math problem because you’re annoying and difficult.

I hope you found some you liked. Make a man glad he picked you to give his line to

~~~till we laugh again~~~




 

13 Jokes About Women

Can Women Take a Joke?

 




laughing at everyday lifeOk, so yesterday we shared some jokes about men. It is only fitting that we share some jokes about women. After all, women want equal rights so we get to make fun of them too!

Here are 13 Jokes About Women that you can tell

 

Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion
~~~
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
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Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
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When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first-aid!” The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”
~~~
A man asks his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?” His wife says, “Take half and leave your ass!” The man replies, “Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!”
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A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” The husband says, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!” –
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A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably, “My wife missed the bus.”
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A wife asked her husband, “Honey, will you still love me when I am old and overweight?” The man replied, “Yes, I do.”
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Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. At least he’ll shut up after you let him in.
~~~
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
~~~
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life
~~~
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her
~~~
If you want to know who is really man’s best friend, put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, come back an hour later, open the trunk, and see which one is happy to see you.

 

So, did you find one you liked? Do you have one to share?

~~~till we laugh again~~~




laughing at men

11 Jokes About Men

Jokes About Men? Here Are a Few You Can Use





Did you know that one of the most searched types of jokes has to do with men?  I just picture a bunch of women blowing up Google just to make fun of the dudes. Is it fair? Of course! There are twice as many jokes making fun of women. LOL

Let’s take a look at 11 Jokes about Men

laughing at everyday life

A man asks, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God responded, ”So you would love her.” The man asks, “But God, why did you make her so dumb?” God replied, “So she would love you.”

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Girl: “Girls are better than boys.”

Boy: “Then why did God make boys first?”

Girl: “Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy.”

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Men Are Like…… Blenders.

You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

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Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

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How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don’t work

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How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.”

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How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?

All he’s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

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What’s the best way to kill a man?

Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

~~~

What do men and beer bottles have in common?

They are both empty from the neck up.

~~~

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

Both of them.

~~~

laughing at menThere were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”

The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” they asked. “She said, ‘get out from under the bed and fight like a man’.”

 

God I love that last one!!! 

 

Well ladies, I hope you had a good laugh. But be careful, I’m all about fair play. Who knows what the next post will have!

~~See You Tomorrow~~




A New Stick Figure Family Decal

This Stick Figure Family Had Me Rolling





By now, we all have seen those stick figures on the back of cars. The range from the traditional ones with mom, dad, kids and pets. Now you can get them with Hello Kitty, Zombies, and various other fun families. They have ones being chased laughing at lifeby a masked chainsaw, a dinosaur and even the Star Wars planes. I’ve seen ones with with items representing the family like rifles, pets and even marshmallows.

My personal favorite has always been the “Ass” Family. You know the one, Smart Ass, Dumb Ass, Jack Ass… LOL  That one cracks me up.

But today, I saw a new Stick Figure Family that had me rolling. One I haven’t seen before. At first I thought he had just made it up himself but I guess they actually make them. Below is a picture of the one I took. Since it isn’t a great picture I Googled it and found out there are others. Too funny!

I just knew I had to share with you today the latest family rolling down a street near you….

laughing at life stick-family-position-open

 

 

Hope you get a good chuckle!
~~till we laugh again~~~




Losing Their Mind Over the Election





The 2016 Election is No Joke

 

Political HumorI normally stay away from Religion and Politics.  They are neither funny nor are they something that people can discuss without becoming defensive. People speak to be heard, not to be understood. There is a difference.

I take it back. It is funny. Funny to watch people say they are opened minded but then I watch them do everything but be open-minded. There is something about these two topics that cause normally well adjusted people to lose their mind. Take this recent US election for example.

People are loosing their mind on both sides of the political extreme. I’m not talking about the riots, protests, etc. I’m talking about everyday conversations between people.

A basic human nature is to be right. One of the hardest things for us is to admit we were wrong or that we might be concerned about our pick. Right now, I’m watching folks dig their heels in on the pick they made.

Let’s take one side. Those that voted for Trump. Everyone has a right to vote for who they wanted. That is what makes America great. The problem is, we have created this mentality of “us vs them”. When this happens and people feel attacked, they defend their candidate at all costs.  Here are two things I feel are funny or at least ironic…

A) Those Trump supporters that are mad that people who are bashing Donald Trump – Reason I find this funny? Many of these same people spent the last 8 years viciously attacking Obama. Talk about ironic. I also find it sad. They don’t even see how funny it is that they can dish it out, but can’t take it.

B) These same folks are the same ones that just a year ago, wanted any other Republican but Trump. For a year they bashed him and only got in his camp if you will once he kept winning. I laugh every time I hear them act as if he has been their #1 guy from the beginning.

laughing-faceListen, there are many folks that are scared. Each day something new happens. This will continue. Some of it will be good and some of it will be bad. But one thing is for sure, the next 4 years will be full of a lot of things. One thing I know, we will be laughing one way or another.  It might be a nervous laugh, it might be an ironic laugh or it might be a full on belly laugh due to the stuff Trump says.

Now, I’m not trying to be political. I’m just pointing out how this election has caused folks to lose their mind. Common sense has left the building. I hope it comes back soon. While I find it funny to watch, I also find it sad. Sad that people aren’t open to hearing each other. If we don’t start hearing the good and the bad but more importantly the opportunities we have as a nation, I feel we as a nation will become a joke to the rest of the world. Oh wait, I think we already have….  🙁

So don’t be surprised if I pop in on the humor that is Trump. I only want the best for our country, but I have a feeling it is going to be an interesting ride so we might as well buckle in and have some fun.

~~~till we laugh again~~~

Tammy

 




i wonder

I Wonder #2 – What Animals See

Guess it’s time for another “I wonder, thought/question!

This one may not make sense to those of you who do not have and or love animals.  But I do, so here goes….

i wonderWhere we live there are quite a few cow farms, but this particular one has cows/bulls with a big hump on their backs.  I think they are called Brahman, I’m not positive but I think so.

There is a long fenced three sided walk way that these cows walk around, coming to the end is a tree. I have never driven by when there isn’t 6 to 10 cows standing in a circle around this tree.

A month or so ago as we were driving by I noticed that all the cows or bulls where white, except one who was brown.  This must have stayed with me in the back of my mind…  We have five dogs, four different breeds, and sizes.  I have always had animals, but with working and raising kids I have never gotten as close to them as I have these five.  Partly I believe is because I’m here with them 24/7 and you really see them in every situation.

A few days later I’m looking at my dogs who are just being dogs, when the vision of the cows comes to mind and then I wondered???

I have been told several times that animals can’t tell colors, but….. I start to wonder what do they see?   (I’m sure all the racial problems recently are probably in the back of my head about now).  I wonder if they can see at least shades of dark and light?  Then I wonder if the see any differences, any kind of animal, and if they react to it like us crazy humans do?

What do you think, know, or wonder?  Have you ever seen an animal react differently to another of the same species or of color?  Do you think animals have any preferences or prejudice’s?

Aloha

Faye (Tammy’s Mom) 🙂 …

~~~

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

 




Have You Ever Wondered?

Do You Laugh When You Wonder?

 

My mom is always asking questions on random things in life. She is always wondering.

So I thought I would add her wondering question to our website. After all, our natural curiosity and wonder often can lead to those little moments in life that help you laugh.

So with that, let’s share her first one!

 

I Wonder: Rabbits & Lettuce

i wonderMy name is Faye, and I’m one of those people who is curious about almost everything.  So most of the time I have to find the answer to my questions.  I’ve been thinking it may be easier if I reached out to others for help in finding the answers.

Everything I wonder about doesn’t necessarily mean it’s important, but to me it is, if only because I want to know. I’ll give you an example:

I live in the dessert and we have rabbits in our yard, (odd rabbits in a desert, but that’s a question for another time).  I have been giving the rabbits any bits and pieces I cut off of vegetables when I am cooking… like celery, carrots, etc.  One day I was making a salad, saving the scraps when it hit me….. All our lives we have been told that lettuce has absolutely no nutritional value.  So I started thinking why do rabbits eat and thrive on lettuce?

So everyone, what is the answer?  Any ideas?  Please let me know and anyone else who might read this that now wonders too.

If I find the answer first I will write about it.  Till next time…

Aloha
~~~till we laugh again~~~

Faye…

 




sneezing food

Sneezing After You Eat – Do You Do It?

You Know You are Full When the Sneezing Begins

 

sneezing foodWhen I wrote Do You Sneeze for Odd Reasons,  I mentioned how I would sneeze after I ate ice cream. Now I sneeze after I eat period.

I’ve sneezed after eating ice cream for quite sometime, then a few years ago I started to sneeze half way into my meal. Not just once mind you, but 5,6,7 times. LOL

Some foods bring it on earlier than others. I read somewhere it was some gene that mutates that normally triggers your sneezing when something gets in your nose and somehow it triggers with your stomach too.

Odd.

The fun part is when I’m at work and grab lunch at my desk. People go, “Tammy must be eating”. Then they laugh.

The hard part is when folks start the “bless you”. Did you know that most folks get irritated saying bless you around the 3 or 4th time?   🙂

I always let them off the hook on the 2nd one saying that one will be good for all of them.

I still don’t know what causes them and I don’t know if they will ever go away. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me. Unless of course I also drank a big glass of water and you can imagine what that and 7 sneezes might cause. (I know what you are thinking, no, I haven’t peed my pants…LOL)

So, do you sneeze when you eat?

You aren’t alone. My post from back then has a lot of folks stopping by to say they are glad they aren’t the only ones. Nope, You are in a special club of not normal sneezers. I wonder if we should have a special badge of honor?

I’d welcome you all!!
~~~till we sneeze, I mean laugh again~~~

 




21 Fun Science Facts to Look Smart

Look Like a Brainiac With These Fun Science Facts

microphoneWe all like to look like a smart person. So next time you are trying to impress your friends, drop some of these Science Bombs and drop the mike. Walk away with them wondering when did you get so smart!

Peanuts are one of the ingredients in Dynamite (Who knew they were so explosive?)

The Dead Sea is so dense with salt, you can easily float on it without drowning (Lay out there with some tequila and lime)

A dogs heart beats 40 times a minute faster than yours (And you just thought they were glad to see ya)

The hottest planet in the solar system is Venus. It can get up to 864 degrees (I’ll stop complaining about my weather here in Arizona now)

There is enough energy in one bolt of lightning to power a home for two weeks. (funny, when it hit my house we lost power)

When baby giraffes are born, they drop six feet to the ground and land on their heads (Guess they aren’t like cats and flip around)giraffe

The shark has to keep moving to stay alive (unless they are eating you)

The penguin is the only bird who can swim but cannot fly (I wonder if they get jealous of the other birds)

When Joseph Gayetty invented toilet paper in 1857, he had his name printed on each sheet (There are cleaner ways to give an autograph)

There is enough gold in the Earths crust to cover the entire land surface knee deep (So does quick sand get you there faster?)

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket (Everyone knows you freeze your chocolate not melt it)

The human eye blinks an average of 4,200,000 times each year (That is 11,506 times a day!)

In your lifetime your body will produce more than 25,000 quarts of saliva (Ok, this one is just gross to think about)

If you stretch a Slinky out flat it measures 87 feet long (Yes, but then it can’t go down your stairs anymore)

Did you know that African Elephants stay on their feet for 30 – 40 years? (I hope they have comfortable shoes)

 elephant

Elephants also are the only land animal that can’t jump (Probably from all that standing)

A Zebra is actually white with black stripes (They didn’t have any other color paint)

Studies show that right handed people tend to scratch with their left hand (I knew deep down they wanted to be a lefty)

55,700 people in the US are injured by jewelry each year (I knew those broaches were dangerous!)

The rings of Saturn are made of ice chunks, some as small as an ice cube and some are as big as a house! (I’m still picturing a world where an ice cube and a house are floating in the air side by side)

sleepThe average person falls asleep in 7 minutes (Rut ro, some of you never made it this far!)

 

Now, don’t you just feel so much smarter all ready?

 

Now go wow your friends and family!!

 

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 




Who’s Not Afraid of the Devil?

Fear No Evil

 

funny storyOne bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of MyTown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.

Suddenly, at the altar, amidst an explosion of fire, Satan appears!

Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.

Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sits calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy is in his presence.

This confuses Satan a bit.

Satan walks up to the man and says, “Hey, don’t you know who I am?”

The man says, “Yep, sure do.”

Satan says, “Well, aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man says, “Nope, sure ain’t.”

Satan, perturbed, says, “And why aren’t you afraid of me?”

“Well, I’ve been married to your sister for 25 years, how bad could you be?”

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

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laugh today

Random Jokes to Help You Smile Today

Sometimes You Just Have to Take a Time Out in Your Day and Laugh

 

jokes for the dayMan: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let’s start from your bank account.

Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the alley late last night?
One was a salted.

What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.”

What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large

What did the psychiatrist say to the naked man?
Well, I can clearly see your nuts

What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef. (boo)

jokes for the day What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate Clauses. (lol…I love this one)

 

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

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Funny one liners

17 Funny One Liners

Sometimes One Line Says it All

 

Funny one liners Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back

I can handle pain until it hurts

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door 

A farmer in a field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200

What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead giveaway.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool so I gave him a glass of water.

Funny one linersI find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

How are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don’t work.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see

 

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

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