Letter to Future Survivor Contestants:

Dear future Survivor Contestant,

 

Survivor Make FireAfter 32 seasons, when will you learn that a key skill to bring with you is how to make fire? 

 

Let’s see, you need to start a fire first when you first get to your camp. Not only does the first person to make fire get early “hero” status but by making this happen, you get to eat cooked rice vs crawling critters.  (If this isn’t reason enough, I don’t know what is)

 

But let’s learn from our final 4 contestants shall we?

 

Ok, you are 1 spot away from final 3. Usually by now you have spent 33-35 days living like hell for your shot at a million dollars. And if you are any good, odds are the others will try and get rid of your butt so there is a good chance you will be voted out.

 

So why is learning how to make fire important?

 

Just ask Cydney on season 32. She was well on her way to possibly winning the money (and my top pick next to Survivor final 4 Season 32Audrey). The top 2 deserving folks in my opinion. So I wasn’t surprised they had to square off. When it was a tie, what did they have to do?

 

Oh yea, make fire!

 

This is what Survivor does. They have for the previous 31 seasons so why would they change now?

 

If I was headed into the top 4 and I knew my ass might be on the chopping block, especially in a season of blindsides, you can bet your bottom dollar that my ass would be building fires all over the island!

 

At last, as much as I want to go tsk tsk tsk to Cydney, she isn’t alone. It has happened in the past. The loser being those that never bothered to learn how to start a fire before going on Survivor!

 

So, I implore all you future contestants, do me a favor. LEARN to MAKE FIRE!  With or without flint. Use your eyeglasses, use glass, use your x-ray vision, I don’t care. Just learn!

 

I still love you Cydney. I liked the others but you and Audrey owned the twists and turns this season and one of you should have won. I was sad when you had to face off making fire, but I was even more sad that ironically, your bid for the $1,000,000 went up in flames (or at least the lack of them).

 

It was a great season. Some great moves. Well played and I’ll be back for season 33 of Survivor. Like many others, I’m always amazed and addicted to the giant fishbowl of personalities and really enjoy the fun of watching the great game players.

 

Just do me a favor. Just one word. FIRE!

 

~~~

 

For those of you that don’t watch Survivor… What???? You are missing a great show that just gets better as more folks learn to play the game. The true players who love the game are making so interesting. They just need to learn to make fire. LOL

 

Tammy

This Joke Just Plain Stinks

Grab a clothespin as this joke is really smelly!

clothespin on nose

Can you handle it?

~~

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

~~

Now this one is interactive.

You know the routine if you like jokes.

Especially Knock Knock jokes

~~

So when you see this

????  

You know what to do..

Say it out loud

~~

Ready?

Put the clothespin on now.

You’ve Been Warned

~~

Knock Knock

????

Smell Mop

????

~~

~~

I told you it stunk!

smell my poo

 

 

How to Wash Your Cat

The Full Proof Way to Get a Clean Kitty

Cat

Cats are interesting critters. They have a mind of their own. While they love licking themselves to death, sometimes they just need a little extra help getting sparkly clean.

I came across this little post today that a real cat lover wrote to help ensure you little fluffy is nice and purdy. So if you have ever wondered the best way to wash a cat, check this out.

how to give a cat a bath

Ok, ok, so I think Fido may have an alternative motive. LOL

Oh you know you laughed a little!

For the record, I do not recommend you doing this.  (just in case one of you get a bright idea to really give your cat a bath like this)    

fart man

Life is too Short to be Serious All the Time

Laugh at YourselfYou Should Laugh at Yourself Once a Day

 

There are too many folks that walk around everyday miserable. Every time something happens to them they just are so pissed. I always think…Get over yourself!  LOL

Listen, we all screw up, mess up, F*** Up on a daily basis. The key is to step back and just laugh at yourself.

What folks don’t realize is, if we see you screw up, mess up, or F*** we are laughing at you.

So why not join us?

Listen, life if full of bad stuff, struggles and challenges. Speed bumps, roadblock, and detours are just part of the big life plan.

In order to have less stress in your life you have to learn to laugh it off.

I’m not saying — Don’t Take it Seriously — You must. But that doesn’t mean it has to define your attitude and how you react to it. You pick that, it doesn’t.

So next time you find yourself all tense and serious, find something to laugh at. I promise it will give you the clarity you need to move on.

 

Now, get out there and laugh at someone!!

 

Christmas Lights Gone Wrong

Do You Have This Neighbor?

lots a christmas lights

Everyone loves to look at Christmas Lights. Ok, Maybe not everyone. But I bet you like to still like a good laugh once in a while. Let’s take a look at what a few folks have done…

Some folks have a good sense of humor. They really don’t want to hang the lights but know they need to at least attempt them…

Oops Lights

Little Help…Please

little help

Spiderman Said this way was easier

~~~

We have all experienced the joy of untangling those Christmas Lights. How many of use wish we could just do what this person did?

forget about it

Screw it!

~~~

Some folks at least give it the old college try

No reason

Hey, they at least tried

Lazy Lights

Ok, maybe this one was a college drop out

~~~

Speaking of screw it.

Some folks like being on Santa’s Naughty List

Frisky Deer

Hmm. Maybe we should give them some privacy

Maybe fewer lights

Yes, you can put too many lights on a palm tree

Peeing Santa

Even Santa has to make a pit stop on Christmas Eve

~~~

They say you can’t have enough lights but I think some of these folks can prove the theory wrong

Yes too many lights

Hey, you missed a spot on the right

too many christmas lights

Oh, was I suppose to have a theme?

~~~

Then there are those that only love the blow ups

christmas blow ups

~~~

In the end it is about finding the right balance.

If you are lucky you have that neighbor that does it just right.

Christmas Lights Done right

Then all you have to do is high jack their lights!

Maricopa Ditto House

Have a great Christmas & Holiday Everyone!!!!

Do You Wear Funny T-Shirts?

Express Yourself

social interactionEveryone loves a funny t-shirt. We all probably own at least 1 or 2. I would bet you’ve bought for gifts way more than that. I would also be willing to bet that some of you have spent at least a 1/2 hour at a Walmart looking at them.

Now a days you can go online and put any saying you want on them. From Rated G to X. You can support you favorite cause or make fun of your significant other…I’m with Stupid ring a bell? The most popular tend to be the sports folks. Millions have been made through the years.

Me, I’m a fan of the funny. I like ones that make me smile. Want to see my stepdad’s favorite t-shirt? Yep, he’s pooped today and proud of it. LOLI pooped today

Here are a few other fun ones I’ve seen:

ADMIT IT..Life would be boring with out me!

Sarcasm – Just another free service I offer

Sometimes when I open my mouth my mother comes out

Musician: Someone who packs $5000 into a $200 car to earn $50

You can’t scare me…I have a teenage daughter!

When I was a kid I wanted to be older. This CRAP is not what I expected


Back off, I have a sister and i’m not afraid to use her!

Captain Obvious

be batmanI’m a nurse….What’s your superpower?

I may be left handed but I’m always right!

i love this muchI’m full of holiday spirit…It’s called Vodka

Mom like me best! (I should wear this around my sisters..lol)

Do not touch my tools or my daughter!

So when does this “old enough to know better” kick in?

I’m not arguing I’m just explaining why I’m right!

I did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding a bike…It’s not

Prayer: The world’s greatest wireless connection

I am who I am…Your approval isn’t needed

Everything tastes better with ketchup

I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you

Inside every older person is a younger one wondering what the hell happened!

Karma takes too long. I’d rather just smack you right now!

Cat: A bipolar creature which would as soon gouge out your eyes and it would cuddle

ironySome days the supply of curse words is insufficient to meet my demands

Walk a day in my head and you would completely understand

Sometimes I laugh so hard tears run down my leg

 

football momBy the way, if you have a saying you want added to shirt after all this T-Shirt talk, my buddy Jackie over at VinylWorks4u.com can hook you up. (She doesn’t know I’m doing this so feel free to tell her Tammy sent ya…lol) She can make almost anything. I think her etsy site has more examples. Especially football stuff this time of year. Great Christmas gifts if you need any.

 

Do you have a favorite T-Shirt?

What does it Say?

OMG! I Can’t Believe This Happened!

Angry faceOk, I need to VENT!!

 

I went to Walmart to get some stuff for tonight’s dinner. I noticed this lady was staring at me on the same aisle I was on. No biggie. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes again…STARING! So now I’m like, “WTH”, but finish up my shopping and head to the check out line. Of course this same lady was ahead of me…starts staring again.

 

Awkward. So I start playing with my phone so I don’t have to look at her. Finally she says “I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my daughter who just passed away.” I felt really bad after that and gave her my condolences. She says “thank you…but I have a favor to ask. I understand if you don’t want to. Can you give me a hug and say ‘bye mama’ to me?” Inside I was like “wth”, but me being the softie that I am, I went ahead and did it. She smiles, thanks me, and leaves.

 

The cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to $100.87. I knew something wasn’t right, because after my coupons it should have been like $40.00 or so. The girl tells me that my total was included with my mom’s. I’m like, “What?!!!” she said, “Your mom said you were paying for her last few items along with your things. I told her that the woman was most definitely NOT my mom. She said, well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mama. I flew out of the store looking for this witch, ready to beat her a**.

 

I see her loading up her car! She saw me and jumped in her car, I got to her as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling her leg…JUST LIKE I’M PULLING YOURS!!!! Hope you all are having a wonderful day! Don’t hate me for this!

 

Ok, you can blame Facebook. This was showing up in my news feed and each time I just laughed my butt off and had to share!  What made it most funny to me was the person I originally saw it on was a woman I know with a big heart and she would have done this very thing.

 

Have a great one!

 

~~~ Till We Laugh Again~~~

Knock Knock…Who’s There? – A Bunch of Knock Knock Jokes of Course!

Who doesn’t love a good Knock Knock Joke? 

Well, anyone who has met the Interrupting Cow of course!

 

Knock KnockIf you are a seasoned knock knock joke person you totally go that one!   🙂

I thought what better way to enjoy a Sunday then with some fun, light hearted knock knock jokes? So let’s jump in and have a few giggles shall we?

 

~~

 

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Kook
Kook who?
Don’t call me cuckoo

~~

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Little old lady?
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel

~~

Crying BabyKnock Knock
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo who?

Don’t cry, it’s just me

 

~~

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Doris
Doris who?
Doris locked, that’s why I knocked

~~

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Dishes
Dishes who?
Dishes me, who are you?

~~

DoorbellKnock Knock
Who’s there?
Figs
Figs who?
Figs the doorbell, it’s broken

~~

Knock Knock

Who’s There?

Theodore

Theodore who?
Theodore is stuck and it won’t open!

~~

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cash
Cash who?
Yes, I love cashews..Thanks!

~~

RibbonsKnock Knock

Who’s there?

Ya

Ya who?

I’m excited to see you too!

~~

Knock Knock

Who’s There

Amos

Amos who?
A mosquito bit me!

~~

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wanda
Wanda who?
Wanda hang out with me right now?

~~

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Nobel

Nobel who?

No bell, that’s why I knocked!

 

~~
PirateKnock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting pirate!
Interrup…
ARRRRRRRRRR!

(Dang, the cow has a new friend) MooooooCow

~~

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to keep telling silly knock knock jokes?

~~

Nope! I’m out of here! Hope you enjoyed some cute laughs!!

 

~~Till next time~~

 

Penguins Peeing in the Water & Polar Bears are Eating it Up!

14 Random Facts through the Eyes of a Sarcastic Person

 

knowledgeIf you are like me, you love to hear random facts. The best part of reading a random fact for a sarcastic person like me, is the first thought that comes to mind. So I thought I’d share these 14 random facts I found over at thefactsite.com and what popped in my head…. Doesn’t that sound fun?  LOL

 

Nearly three percent of the ice in Antarctic glaciers is penguin urine.

And to think, you thought they were flavored ice cubes

 

Polar bears can eat as many as 86 penguins in a single sitting

Guess polar bears want the penguins to stop making flavored ice cubes

 

TriangleAbout 8,000 Americans are injured by musical instruments each year

Who would have thought playing the triangle could be so dangerous

 

The Titanic was the first ship to use the SOS signal

Since it didn’t work out I’m shocked they kept using it  (boo..too soon?)

 

There is a species of spider called the Hobo Spider

Yep, he carries all his belongings in a bag on the end of a stick

 

poopSmearing a small amount of dog feces on an insect bite will relieve the itching and swelling

Ummm, I’m pretty sure I’ll just keep scratching

 

95% of people text things they could never say in person

Like: “yea, your butt does look too big in those pants”

 

You cannot snore and dream at the same time

Explains why I can never seem to finish any of my dreams

 

hot air balloonA sheep, a duck and a rooster were the first passengers in a hot air balloon.

Is it me or does this seem like the beginning to a joke? 

 

King Henry VIII slept with a gigantic axe beside him

Now you would think this would have been the first hint to his future wives

 

Hyphephilia are people who get aroused by touching fabrics.

“Bobby, stop stroking the ottoman!”

 

29th May is officially “Put a Pillow on Your Fridge Day“.

Ok, I can’t possibly be the only one thinking…”what the heck????” Why???

Maybe it is just easier to camp out and eat your ice cream??

 

Banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour

Might just be easier not to eat the Little Debbies?

laughing

 

Cherophobia is the fear of fun.

Thank God none of you have this!!  If you made it this far you have no fear of fun!!!

~~ Till our next laugh together~~~

30 Jokes to Make Your Kids Laugh!

A Child’s Laughter Will Make the Strongest Weak

 

kids laughingWe all like to laugh. More fun is helping others laugh! The best type of laugh? One from a child. So here are 30 jokes you can tell to either an adult or a child and hopefully you can have lots of giggles and laughs!

Enjoy!

 

1     Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

       A: A tuba toothpaste.

 

2     Q: What do lawyers wear to court?

      A: Lawsuits!

 

3     Q: What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary? 

       A: Take the words out of his mouth!

 

4    Q: Why do fish live in salt water?

      A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!

 

5    Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?

      A: Because 7, 8, 9.

 

6   Q: What did the pencil say to the other pencil?

     A: your looking sharp.

 

7   Q: Why did the picture go to jail?

    A: Because it was framed.

 

8   Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours? 

   A: Nacho cheese!

 

9   Q: What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

     A: A watch dog.

 

10  Q: What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

      A: A lawn moo-er

 

11   Q: What do elves learn in school?

       A: The elf-abet.

investigator12  Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?

      A: Swimming trunks

 

13  Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?

      A: A taxi driver

 

14  Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? 

      A: He wanted to go to high school.

 

15  Q: How does a dog stop a video? 

      A: He presses the paws button

 

16  Q: What is black ,white and red all over?

      A: A sunburned penguin!

 

17  Q: How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

      A: Squeaky clean!

 

18  Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?

      A: Because it had a virus!

 

19  Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?

      A: A bulldozer!

 

20  Q: What is the tallest building in the world?

       A: The library! It has the most stories!

 

21  Q: Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? 

      A: To go with the traffic jam!

 

22  Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby? 

       A: He was a little hoarse.

 

23  Q: Where do you put barking dogs?

       A: In a barking lot.

 

24  Q: What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

       A: A gummy bear!

porkchop25  Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate? 

      A: Porkchop!

 

26  Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

       A: No I deer!

 

27  Q: What do you call an exploding monkey?

      A: A baboom!

 

28  Q: What do you call an elephant in a phone booth? 

      A: Stuck!

 

29  Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

       A: Frostbite.

 

30  Q: Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

       A: Because of the bark!

 

If you loved what you read or at least most of the time….please do us a favor and share! Let’s help a lot of folks laugh!

 

~~~till we laugh again~~~

 

~~~

~




Buffets Are Nasty Unless You Like Your Food Sneezed On

Disclaimer: I’m not a fan of Buffets…

But I’m sure the Title gave that away.. LOL

 

The Nasty Buffet

 

The other day I came across this above picture on Pintrest. It was an article on Huffington Post.  I had to laugh as it pretty much sums up my thoughts on most buffets.

I know for many of you, Buffet’s might be the wholly grail of fine dining. After all, who wouldn’t love 8 plates of crab legs? Oh yea, me… I hate seafood remember.   🙂

Some of the longest lines I’ve ever seen are those at a casino’s Buffet. Heck, people will pay $40-$50 for those seafood buffets! That is crazy. Go to a nice restaurant people!  lol

While you may see a buffet and hear the angels sing, I see a buffet and just see food that is an hour or more old, hands picking through it, sneezing, germs. People playing with my food. Cooked with zero seasoning and barely recognizable as the true food it is.  crablegs

Heck, even those crab legs you love so much have you spending hours cracking and digging for little meat and lots of water. No wonder you need to eat 8 plates.  LOL

Now, I will say in defense of Buffets, they are one step up from the grosses thing on earth…PEAS!  Yep, if you recall, I think they are little round balls of puke!

So, what do you think of buffets?  Nasty or Heaven to you?